AmEEz PsyChE DeLiC

ameerul is confuse...welll we hope thats a good news...

2010-05-09T04:45:00.004+08:00

till when must this carry on? i dont want to ruin everything by telling you how i feel.or maybe im just low in confidence.when you say "i love you",what does that even mean? i dont know the meaning of it anymore.i've met alot of girls who just say that and they dont really mean it.it sucks being in this kind of situation AGAIN.i've been through this alot of times and i always end up losing.maybe its just an infatuation.NO! im sure about this.but...still....i dont want this! its going to ruin everything.our friendship,its going to go down to the ground if i tell you."everything starts from friendship!" yeah! like that helps! pffft! maybe i dont want it or maybe im just waiting for a clear,obvious signs that you really do love me? im confused now...thinking makes me headache.

but whatever it is....I do LOVE you with all my heart.im just not sure about where are we suppose to go from here.thats all.....but i hope someday,theres a sign that will answer my questions.Hope.....

P.S:The sweetest words which i try not to use on someone i love: "I am jealous of the people you ever hugged because for a moment,they held my entire world."

how do you think i would react if you told me earlier....?

2010-05-04T00:20:00.003+08:00

This past few days has been very challenging for me.feels like the whole world is against me.but i manage to pull it through.only that.....

we've been close to each other recently and i think we are the best friends ever.you trust me and i trust you.we shared secrets together.we listen to our problems and we tried to solve it together.and everything is doing great between us.you know i love you.i care about you but....why didnt you tell me? You should have tell me earlier.how do you think i would react? you think im going to abandon just like that?!!! NOOO!!!! you think im going to give that cold shoulders kind of treament?! NOOO!!! im not pissed or sad.im just confused about this.its shocking you know.it would have been better if i know it from your own mouth.urrgghh!!.you said once that you're very good in acting and from what just happened i realise you are good.you are good at hiding it.soooo good that i cant even believe it was true.with the way you live your life,the schedule of your work.why? why keep it when you can just tell me?.i will understand.why suffer alone? let me help you....

since i already knew it,i feel much more caring for you.i dont know why.im still waiting for you to tell me personally about this.i will wait.no matter what.i want to hear it from your own mouth.why? cause i LOVE you.

P.S:when are you going to tell me?

the sun shines everyday....

2010-04-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

What is there to be sad of ? Nothing.

I've been here so many times and i learn everytime i fell down.why should i be sad? theres nothing to be sad about.theres always happiness in my life all this time.the only thing is i just didnt embrace it.i didnt welcome it like how i welcome sadness,depression.i've learn to look on the brightside.its normal to be sad sometimes.its part of life.

seeing her photos smiling,being happy with her friends and all,is just enough for me.i love seeing her smile.it makes my day.she got a boyfriend.haha! i dont know whether its official but still im happy she got someone she really love.i just hope that her boyfriend wont take advantage or treat her badly.i should be happy seeing my love meeting someone worth,at last.and yes I am truly happy.i still got my family and friends with me.what more can i ask for? hahah. (:

i keep smiling when im typing all this down.hahah! and i like that.its a good sign right? :D

anyway,i've already when for FFI.so im going for the 2nd round and then ORD ooooohh!!! hahahah! hmmm...after that it all start all over again.a new life for me.new challenges.new faces.new friends.maybe new "flings"? heheheh (: so lets look up to the sky and think how beautiful life is......

I LOVE....my family,Syakilla,Imran,Joe,Apul,Syafiq,Ain,Charles,Shah,Khairul Solyhin,Shima,Shukri,Azman,Nabila Bella(i miss you beb!) and last but not list,of course MY ONE & ONLY EXCEPTION.its has always been you.love you soo much.

P.S:Her being happy is enough for me. <3 (:

moments in life....

2010-04-27T23:49:00.002+08:00

there are moments in life that make
you,and moments in life that break you.
there are moments in life that influence
you,and moments in life that change you.
there moments in life that challenge you
and there moments in life that inspire you.
there are moments in life that crush you and
there are moments in life that destroy you.
there are moments in life of total peace,
and there moments in life of total choas.
Nothing is permanent,everything is temporary.

P.S:Love,it is the hardest habit to break and craving most difficult to satisfy.

Fickle minded always gets in my way.

2010-04-22T22:48:00.002+08:00

When a lady shops, she grabs everything that is nice to her without thinking. But when a guy is nice to her, she went fickle minded on him. To grab or not to grab? Hmmm.. How sad right? Pity those guys who are facing this kind of problem. Be strong guys. Winks! (:

~Imran.my best friend (:

I could really use a wish right now...

2010-04-21T21:49:00.002+08:00

Whoa....its been a long time since i blog.well,i think im just plain lazy.

the tagboard is dead.the blogskin is still the same.i'm so in love with tumblr.facebook is boring.tagged is full of shit,for immature human beings.twitter is awesome shit but i rarely drop by.upcoming movies are awesome and also all those movies i've watched were great.

music?...

well,i've been listening to some R&B and pop songs.Katy Perry is love and so is Alicia Keys.Paramore is still the awesomness and Hayley Williams shall be my girlfriend.wahahahahaha! perasan jubo! =P ouh! you gotta listen to B.o.B feat Hayley Williams-Airplane.a beautiful song i must say.well,thanks to that i fell in love with the song Nothing on You by B.o.B.how gay can this be? -__-!! hmmm...anyway,i've started to play guitar again and i got whole lotta new tunes to play which I LOVE SO MUCH TO SHOW YOU GUYS! Lady Gaga still doesnt catch my eye.i dont know what so great about her.anyway many people do like her.i gotta respect that.other than that,IM STILL A ROCKSTAR!! heheheh! :D

life?...

ouh wells,2 more months to ORD.cant wait? well,im not sure about that.come to think of it,after "asking some arrogant-higher-ranking-ass-soldiers to sign my clearance" i will be like so in the lost you see.well,it may be easy to say "after NS im going to search for a job while waiting for school." but its not!! search? like i will find the right job so easily.pffft!! anyway,life has been great actually.friends and families are all okaaay.my "best date ever",Syakilla have been there for me when i need her.shes been a great listening ear.imran,joe and apul have been an awesome friends.all of my friends are.and....Syakilla when are you going to bring me shopping again? hehehehe!

love?...

love? true love? i dont even understand the meaning of it.im confused.nevermind.i wont talk about it.it will be kept with me only and no one will know.

so...thats all i have to update.wait till the next one cause i have a great one from Imran.heheheh!

P.S:starsgazing is what i LOVE the most.

if only i could just erase you away so easily...

2010-03-01T15:27:00.005+08:00

we should start thinking out of the box....

maybe Sunday,28 February 2010,hasnt been a good day for me.i can go crazy for what happened but i think back.whats the worth? someone just dont like you and after that,death comes along.what a day huh? but im fine.....i can go haywire for only 10mins and then after that i'll be fine.back to normal.so within that 10mins,many silly,stupid and idiotic things can come out from me.bad words,i can even make the stupidiest decision.like telling people things i shouldnt have said.lets put that 10mins aside.....

i dont know why i've been so obsessed over this particular girl.and it just make me sick and tired.i think all of this shit is just so f***ing immature.well,not me.but everything that is happening,including her own love life.okaaay i think i shall stop about this shit.if i carry on any longer,it would not help me at all.....but im just tired,you know.well,looking on the brightside,i've got friends who really loves me.and im sure they are the best friends.friends dont just talk when they have problems.they talk anytime they want to.anyway,im not in the losing side.i've been saying this alot of time even my ear can bleed hearing me saying that.cause all this while,i use the word "they",they have been in the losing side.they fall,then they rise and fall again.when they fall,they come to me and ask for help.when they found someone Ouh! so hot! they forget about me.have i ever abandon them like what others have done to them? what about me you idiot?!!! whoa!...i gotta stay calm *breathe in*breathe out* okay then,i shall carry on.dont say that i have cursed you or whatever cause i dont believe in that,but let me tell you this....when you down,feeling sad and depress,dont come to me anymore and asked for help,cause its about time you feel the burden that you've given to me.and dont say that im evil....its about time you open your f***ing eyes and realise this.dont get blind by words and looks......cause you may get something worst then what you've been through.other than that i dont care anymore.

death is something that i dont want to talk about.someone dearest to me has been taken away from me.and im trying to face it like its a part of life.....

lets look on the brightside of life.6 MORE DAYS TO PARAMORE and i cant wait.like i said its a Rock Concert Date with Syakilla.never had this kind of date and never had a date with her but hey,shes my secondary school mate,theres nothing wrong with that right.date as a friend.and i hope it will be a crazy date since Paramore will be like entertaining us throughout the night.hahah! i know we will go crazy but i hope not that crazy till someone faint. =P hehehe! and now what am i suppose to wear for the concert..............? am i thinking like a woman right now.sheeesh! thanks to syakilla ah.Syakilla: "hmmm..i havent decide what to wear yet?".

P.S:when the time comes,i will hit you hard!!!

i just want to break you down so badly....

2010-02-26T22:12:00.005+08:00

if only i could get out of this hell here and go somewhere far...

I look so cool from these heights and I feel it running through out my veins,
I'm here again so stop to tell me something I don't care,
But you're there waiting for the things I've never said,
And I'll never say because I know this smile is fake,
You can't stop my running away....

I take a breath and I can feel the summer in the air,
She's something I regret she's something I don't care,
Useless waiting for nothing she said,
She said I'll never give you a chance,
This is just another heartache,
Right now I am getting it all back....

It seems a perfect day,
The sun is shining in my eyes,
My hands are aiming to the sky,
So far away from there..So far away from her....

You tear up my wings during these years,
Never leaving a moment to stay here....

And if my breath will go,
I'm not so sure to take your hands again,
And if your heart will go,
I'll never be the same without you....

P.S:I belong to the skies....

let us refill the holes with mud..

2010-02-20T22:31:00.003+08:00

*Feeling Sorry*

We still live in the same town, well don't we?
But I don't see you around anymore,
I go to all the same places,
Not even a trace of you.
Your days are numbered at 24...

And I'm getting bored waiting 'round for you.
We're not getting any younger.
And I won't look back 'cause there's no use.
Its time to move forward...

I feel no sympathy.
You live inside a cave
You barely get by, the rest of us are trying
There's no need to apologize
I've got no time for feeling sorry...

Well I try not to think of what might happen.
When your reality it finally cuts through.
Well as for me I got out and I'm on the road.
The worst part is that this, this could be you...

You know it too.
You can't run from your shame.
You're not getting any younger.
And time keeps passing by
but you wave it away.
Its time to roll over...

All the best lies
they are told with fingers tied.
So cross them tight.
Won't you promise me tonight.
If its the last thing you do
you'll get out...

i've got not time for feeling sorry..

P.S:smoking my sorrows away..

having fun is the only way to avoid from being sad..

2010-02-20T00:47:00.003+08:00

left to right:Apul,Ain,Joe(Farhan),Imran.

the pictures says it all...im having a fun life with them.even though im not in the picture.cause im the one taking it.hahah! they are one of those who give me courage to move on and keep going.im new again because of them and i like it.they change me alot.they showed me that theres more road to happiness than sadness.I will always LOVE you guys.syafiq also! hahah! aku tak lupe kau!

ouh ya! its been a long time since i blog.actually i've got whole lotta things to blog.like I'VE GOT MY PARAMORE TICKETS,when picnic with The Sub Z boys and Ain,when shopping with imran,shopping again with azman,syukri and faizal blur! when to have my dinner with syafiq at his workplace,EIGHTEEN CHEFS,so called having a rock concert date with my secondary school mate Syakilla.spend this idiotic and moronic Valentines Day in camp with Amir.hahah! too many things to talk about.

other than that....im having fun.yeah.theres always ups and downs in life.just got to accept it and move on.you,i know that we are awesome! we are unique in everyway.but im the only one in this world.no one is worth compared to me.no one deserved to be compared with me.cause im different.you too have your own speciality.its the matter whether you know how to use it your speciality to people.i've got my chances.and it has gone to waste.cause they didnt LOOK closely at me.anyway,they are at lost.not me.if i have my chances,i will go for it.for now they,themselves have lost their chances,cause they never learn.hahahah! you know what im talking about?....

ok aye! gotta go have my rockstar sleep! ouh ya. 15 more days to PARAMORE bitchas and assholes.hahah! gdnytez! xP

P.S:your chance was right infront of you,but now you've lost it...

love can be so crappy...

2010-02-09T20:26:00.004+08:00

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch,
a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

~ Dawna Markova

*my Tumblr is updated*

P.S:Tears may be dried up, but the heart—never.

the change is what we need to be prepared of...

2010-02-03T18:11:00.004+08:00

I have a big change in my working schedule.it affects all my social activities outside. -.-'' damn shit! but i have to do this just for my future.yep!

from now on i got to be on duty,then off and then standby.so if i were to put it my own lame term it will be : "24hrs shit"."Freedom"."Half day freedom".understand? its okay if you guys dont understand.doesnt involve you guys anyway....

anyway,life has been so uber cool.mean like relaxing.i cant wait to go jamming again.my band have been collecting a whole lotta songs to jam.we just need time to meet,thats all.time is not on our side.next month is a confirm,i will buy Paramore tickets to see them live.weeeeeeehoooooo!! its okay if the best standings are all sold out.i just want to hear their songs.but i have to take a picture with Hayley Williams.hahaha! its a must okay.money needs to be saved since next month i've got whole lotta plans.cutting down on my spendings.

all of us will face big changes in our lives.any chances from love life,to even little things like,your working schedule.we just need to be prepared of it.even it affects your friendship with your own bestfriend,you need to face it and accept it.many changes have occured to me since the starting of this year.friends being overprotective over their own love ones even though they know that their love ones are in the wrong,people suddenly start to nag at you for no good reason,your love just dont give a damn about you and you're trying to move on,you start to lose faith in alot of things that you didnt ever want to give up on,your working schedule is getting tighter,your friends dont trust you anymore because they believe what they hear,people starting to change feelings and starting to be "not-straight".these changes are all the bad stuffs.but there are some changes where it brings positive things.

changes are normal in ones life.its just a matter whether you are prepare for it.i know there are more changes to come as its just the begining of the year.and im ready for it.....

P.S:life is like an experimentation...

In fear and faith....

2010-01-31T21:59:00.002+08:00

*Kicking your crosses/religion down*

In case it gets away from us,
Don’t pull it closer,the damage revealed the cost,
And it wasn’t worth it, but they’ll never know,
To keep in mind the line that separates idols,
If the world is a dream then nothing is worth it,
Unless you have a god.....

But we wont be saved we’ll live as slaves to love,
What god takes away, let’s refill all the holes with mud,
Purchase your ticket; I’m kicking your crosses down.....

In case it gets away from us,
Don’t pull it close,the damage revealed the cost,
And it wasn’t worth it,we're all going to hell....

And all the voices sound just like you,
I’ll be there,
Breathe in,
It’s been so long, I’ve felt so wrong again,
I fixed myself up nice but you never came,
The words rolled off our backs and sound the same
I’ll be waiting,
I hope that it’s worth it but I’ll never know....

P.S:what if someone loses faith in god?..we are going to hell anyway..

I've been dying to reach you...

2010-01-31T02:56:00.003+08:00

*She loves me so*

I keep writing myself into ruts,
It's all around us,
Get naked and get into bed right away,
I keep writing myself into ruts,
Make it all seem so much longer,
But soon, you'll be far away...

Just keep those lonely hands in yours pockets,
And fold away all your best clothes,
I'm only truly happy if I know,
She loves me so...
She love me so...
she loves me so...

I keep writing myself into ruts,
It's all around us,
Get naked and get in my arms fast as you can, fast as you can,
I keep writing myself into ruts,
Make it all seem so much harder,
But soon, you'll be far away,
Far away...

Keep your lonely eyes to yourself and fold away all your best clothes,
Make sure all those mother fucking boys know,
She loves me so...
She loves me so...
She loves me so..

P.S:i hope its worth if i'll never know...

sparks! the bullet hit me...

2010-01-22T23:44:00.009+08:00

the last three days was "shootingly-awesome"...

me with some of my campmates have to go for life range.we are using the M16 instead of the new one,SAR21,that we used during BMT.

the rifle was heavy compared to SAR21.but to me,heavy means "powerful".hehehehe! so i went to the range feeling so damn excited.its like going for your first movie when you were a kid.seriously!! when it was my turn to shoot,my heart was beating faster than ever.my hand was trembling because of the excitement.not because i was afraid! i took aim at the target,breathe in and out slowly,my finger on the trigger,when i wanted to pull the trigger,i hold my breathe so that the rifle wont be moving that much,*BANG!!* smoke,ash,the smell of gunpowder,the adreline rush! fuuuuyyyooooo!!!!! and i hit the target! that was my first shot....

we were given some scenarios where we need to do this and that.if we hit 29 targets out of 36,we will get marksman.all of us went for the first part of the test.i only miss a few but my campmates miss alot and there were like giving up already.my campmates and my sir were like relying and hoping on me to get the marksman since i miss a few,on behalf of the company.the pressure was on me.feeling stressed.i know im not good at night shooting but i dont want to let my campmates and sir down.so i went to the night shooting,feeling confident.it was dark.and i was relying on some of the lights that was shining on the targets.the target came up,i just wanted to pull the trigger when suddenly theres mist on my spectacles.OOOOUUUUHHHHH SHIIIIIIITTTT!!!! and i was like shooting it blindly.wasted! i dont know how many targets i hit,cause i think i heard my assistant shouting "On!,Off!". after the shooting,i went to meet with the others,telling them everything and they were still supportive.after some good rest,the result came up,and i scored 26.aiyah!!! 3 more to marksman! -.-''' wasted! but thanks to my campmates and sir they gave me support.at least i got a pass......

nevermind.next will be combat shooting.i swear i will do better than anyone.... ;D

"aku rindu kau lah bacin!! ane kau pergi?! hahahaha! :P "

P.S:for now you have love.but when you lose it,you'll suffer.

Getting back on track..

2010-01-17T20:13:00.006+08:00

Pfffft...my weekend was near to a "deadly-boring" day.but thank god imran and apul call me up yesterday.they want to watch Daybreakers at Cineleisure.but before that Azman and i went to 313@Somerset to shop.i bought Paramore new cd album,Brand New Eyes and he bought Underoath new album.then i went to Limited Edt Vault to buy my new pair of Vans shoes.woooohooooo!! i've got new Vans.after that we went to Cineleisure to meet up the others....

met imran and apul,went up to the theaters there and got to know the tickets are all sold out.hahah! what the?! so we got to cancel our plan.walk around Cineleisure and this shop name Leftfoot sold more varieties of Vans shoe.and i was so damn pissed.if only i came here first.pffft...anyway,we went Lido Shaw House to eat.got to know that the tickets there are sold out too.so we went to Borders to read some magazines and stuffs.and went back home early...pfffftt....

Daybreakers....next Saturday! and "Kak Bella" nak ikut tengok samer-samer kite? :P

okaaay.right now im listening to hardcore,metalcore songs again.haiz...i dont know why.this is all because of Azman ah!!.haiyoh! thanks dude! and other than that,i just revived my "myspace" account.so if you want to check out me on myspace just go to the "Communicate" section and click on "Myspace".you'll find me!! :D

so next month,its going to be Paramore tickets,maybe Between the Buried and Me or Everytime I Die cd album,another new pair of Vans and hmmmmm......

currently im chatting with my auntie at Malaysia.my cousin is getting married this march.*sob*sob* )': its been a long time since i've met her and now shes getting married.this is a must go man! and my auntie wants me to be the camera man! wah!! im soooo honoured!!! heheheh! :D

okaaay now.i got to go! anything just call or message me.im off to protect the country....pfffftt :P

P.S:you'll never have to see me again,if thats what you want...

Miracle Babygirl,Sun

2010-01-16T16:07:00.003+08:00

*Miracle Sun*

Where do you go, when it gets dark?
And is there room for me there?
How long will it take you to wake up?
Before you go will you wake me?

Or I'll sleep all day

Miracle sun
Stay with me tonight
We don't wanna be without you
We'll come along so
Save a place for us
We don't wanna be left alone

Where do you go, when it gets dark?
And is there room for me there?
How long will it take you to wake up?
Before you go will you wake me?

Or I'll sleep all day
Miss everything

*Babygirl*

Baby girl twist away
When you are talking to me
'I can't breathe
Set some time aside to say
Why don't you stay
Two years later I still I feel like a child

You're the one
I know you are(Answer me if you could)
You're the one(No visitation, they said)
I know you are

This calm feeling ends
When you enter
Not many cigarettes left
And I'll wait... until you... get back... until you arrive
Don't want to, I want to
I wouldn't, I would

You're the one(I didn't, I know it)
I know you are(Meredith, I'll miss you when you're in Utah)
She is so lovely..

P.S:heartless and selfish...its time for you to fall hard..

IMY!!!!!! :D

2010-01-11T22:12:00.004+08:00

hmmm.......
BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA,BELLA!!
I MISS YOU SOOOOOOO.hahahahha! :P betul ah! tak tipu ni....

okay,seriously,imy beb.hahaha! yeap! and i know everything will be fine.just give yourself some time.weiiiii...biler nak keluar samer-samer ni? you asik duduk kat rumah aje.bluek! :P

anyway,this week,i'll be in the "forest".you know,i know.army beb.nak buat ape.....but important thing is...5 more months gang! heheheh! :D next topic......!

okay.seriously,honestly,im beginning to hate guys talking about girls like they are some sex toy,if you know what i mean.like im in camp,at the canteen,was eating with some of my bunkmates.dont want to say names.they start to talk about this girl,shes 18,and shes pretty,got good figure.well i can tolerate it ah.then they start to talk about "boleh bawaknyer ni pompuan","die conferm offer kaunyer".you understand?.easy said they want to "USE" this girl.haiz....like they dont have any respect for girls you know.and it keeps going on you know.the same old topic.im sick of hearing guys talking about this.like come on,what if the girl they are talking about is someone you love,care for.tak bingit korang?!.Ieka also complained to me when she went to City Hall to celebrate New Year and she got spanked by a Bangla.when i heard that,my blood rise up! fuck those bangla!!! well i hope they will enjoy spanking more ass in HELL!!! O_O!!!

okaaay.i got to go now.like bella always says "ciao!!"..and like i always reply "pffft!!".HAHAHAH! okaaay this is crap! :X

P.S:one day,you will realise.......

if youre the queen of pain,then i am the king of rain.

2010-01-10T12:18:00.000+08:00

if rain and pain were to be the bullets and bombs for war.

its raining outside..

the droplets hits the window pane

sounds like machine guns!

shooting way wide..

as everybody shouting in pain.(pain of joy....)

while im here thinking its for fun.

*[i went out

showing,

proving to them,i'm indestructable

showing,

proving to them that they are wrong.

shes going to regret it.

shes going to lose it.

shes not going to make that far.(even if shes holding onto a weapon....)]*

i know im the only one.

no one is equal to me,no one is worth compared.

sounds like im in my world.

your "saviour" is the one.

one day you will realise,he's not worth shared.(your love with...)

trust me im for real.

i have my pride.

im not chasing your shadows anymore.

i know you will regret shooting me.

your bullets is what i dislike.

your army is not there anymore.(you are on your own..)

as they should have chosen me.(a long time ago...)

your bullets are just like water droplets....

your "saviour" you've been drooling for...

*[i stood up

fighting,

shooting at them back,they are at lost.

leaving,

reminding her,that she will regret.

shes the queen of pain.

im the king of rain.

she not even sure about her "saviour".(even if she said so...)]*

even if it starts to rain,your pain are nothing.

if everything goes in vain,my words are killing.

i've been here for sometime.

you may say "you're not worth my time."

but your "saviour" is your personal pain.

you may not realise it yet as you were always to blame,

by your own lovely,"saviour" of yours.

P.S:unique lyricist,i am!

Winning,losing and then im winning again then im losing...

2010-01-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

when you really lose something its either you go down with a fight or you just give up which i shall called that kind of person "a whimp or a pussy".sorry for my language. :P im being honest anyway...

people tend to like or hate someone with what they do instead OF WHO THEY REALLY ARE.with what i've experienced,well theres alot ah.but theres particular time when,bobby,a friend of mine introduce a friend of his to me.shes a decent girl.shes 21 years old.one year older than me.she asked bobby alot of questions about me.and i thought "damn! this girl is really choosy." she decided to see my facebook profile.so i let her take a look at my beautiful life.and like i expected...she judge me with what i do.and i was a little bit pissed off.i know i got some pictures of me clubbing with my friends,smoking like hell and drink liquors and stuff.but look.....she thought she knew everything about me.i know i drank liquors before and i've stopped.she even dare to advice me to stop smoking.its like im trying my best to stop.im doing it slowly.you see the problem...they judge you with what you do.at least im searching for someone who can help me stop doing the bad things im doing right now.i thought i've found that someone but......nevermind.....how are we suppose to "shine" when people start to judge with what you do?!.at least take a look at them.know them.maybe you may start to like that person.be friends and the story goes on....

a friend of mine advice me to be there whenever they need someone.that makes me think "have i ever abandon them?".i asked him that question and he just kept silent.he knows what i mean.and he tried to get me away from that question and told me "let them abandon you when you are in need.but dont ever abandon them.one day,they will realise how worth as a friend,as a listening ear you are." and he got me back.silence.i've got nothing else to say.he knows how i feel.he knows i've been enduring this shit for almost a year.but thats the most he can do,giving me advice."be there for them" is that the only thing i can do? who am i? a punching bag? i've got feelings too.i have my own problems.and tend not to share with people after what happened last year.i can listen to other people's problem and if i can help,i always would.but would they even care about me when im down.where they go?!....

my personal problems might be crap to some people.and those who thinks that way really suck balls! i've got 5 more months to FREEDOM.i hope after that everything will be much better.HOPE & FAITH is what kept me going strong......im just waiting for the real test to come and maybe when that moment comes,i will then realise whether am i strong or just a "bullshit whimpy jerk"...

i'm going to be busy this week.so if theres anything just call me up. :D love you "you-know-who-you-are".hahahah! :P

P.S:I know that DAY will come AGAIN...so now im waiting for it..*fingers crossed*

OPEN UP & LOOK

2010-01-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

girls says guys never ever stayed for them and guys says girls never ever stayed for them too..hahah! honestly,even though its true,i consider this a joke.thinking about it makes me want to laugh out loud.but.....i think its kinda a rude.who cares anyway!!?? HAHAHAH!

actually both sex are facing the same problem.the only thing is they tend to make the opposite sex look bad.now thats another joke!.HAHAHAH! okaaay,im sorry.i've heard alot of complains from both sexes about this and that.some are really complicating.

some guys are just using girls for their own needs.like you know,i know...used them,then just dumped them into the bin.and because of that,girls tend to get afraid for their next relationship.now you see...all of these are connected.let say this guy,a good guy who is sincere and true with every word they say,met this girl who has been used by their ex or ex-fling.and this guy is sooo sure about her.but this girl,because of her past,shes afraid to commit.and now the burden and suffering goes to the guy who really,sincerely loves her....WORST...what if the girl is going for butch?.becoming a lesbian!.i think all of you could have seen a rise in number of butch nowadays.and pretty,lovely girls tend to go to them instead of the guys.come on........!! GO BACK TO REALITY HUMAN BEINGS!!! look in the mirror and think 5 years time where will you all be....?

and all the suffering and burden have to go to the guys.but some "easy-minded" people would say "just move on laaaa..."

another thing would be guys tend to go for the wrong person.same goes for the girls too.they tend to go for someone that they didnt really recognise instead of someone they know likes them and would be there for them "till the end".yeah right...anyway,they will get rejected eventually or things didnt go well and they will go saying "guys never ever been there for us.they never stayed." for guys "girls are such a bitch,slut,fucking whore! all they want is money." typical huh?! yeah.its normal....but can anyone "inject" some sense into them?! the one who really stayed for them,love them for who they are,are just right infront of them.its either they didnt notice or they just ignores them.why? maybe they just dont find love in them.bullshit!! how could they say that when they never tried to make an effort? so,you all can make an effort for someone who you dont really know instead for someone they knew for a long time and never did they abandon them.hmmm.....can you all define love?

does love means,when a special person called,you feel "high,your world is spinning,your heart goes a few seconds faster"? is that how it goes like? if you were to agree with that,what if megan fox or robert pattison/taylor lautner(since girls have been drooling over them) called and you felt that way.you love them? you want to marry them? you want to have sex with them and make babies?.thats another joke ah! HAHAHA! okaaay,lets be serious.people have different opinions about what love means.i honestly think that love means nothing.you couldnt even explain the feeling.if you could explain it,what if you met someone the same as your current lover.now you are in a deep shit! get what i mean? nevermind.different people have different opinions.

anyway,i've been blogging about this many times.its like a cycle.it will never end.the only thing i can advice you all is "OPEN UP your eyes.LOOK carefully.dont follow your heart too much.sometimes you gotta be brave to do the things you are unsure/sure of.sometimes the things you want the most is just right infront of you........." :D

i found out that there was fireworks at SunPlaza shopping centre.damn it!! and syafiq told me it was beautiful.haiz.....so near and yet i missed it....

looooong holiday gone.lets get back to work.haizzz.gotta book in tonight.im soooo uber hate it.anything just text me or call me up aitez...love you all. ^.^''

P.S:like i said,sometimes the things you want the most is just right infront of you.its just that you never really look carefully....

no fireworks for this year );

2009-12-31T20:25:00.001+08:00

*sob*sob* no fireworks... its a big deal for me! );

anyway,i know its kinda early to wish you all happy new year but hey im out partying with my friends tonight since i cant get to see fireworks for this year.(awww..crap.i shouldnt have said that.makes me sad) so.....HAPPY NEW YEAR,rockstars,junkies,drinkers,readers,stalkers and also some bacin's out there.hahah!

im going to say this with full of confidence.i've got my own new year resolution and fuck no,im not going to tell all of you.only some may know.heheheh! im going to throw away the bad memories of 2009 and keep the good ones to myself.i've learnt alot in 2009.the ups and downs are just normal parts of life.i shall not remember those who brought me down to the ground.i wont apologize them for that.sorry guys.its about time i need to be merciless.new friends are always welcome.i know im making more friends by the hour.and now i shall welcome the 2010 with a new "me".i shall make this year different for any other years.and if you say every year is the same,you guys are so wrong.it all depends on how you deal with it.

to Bella.i know you wrote about me at your blog.thank you! :D .and you're truly one kickass friend,like you claim yourself to be.heheh! and i know im a kickass friend of yours too. :D *wink*wink*.and i miss you beb,as always.hope 2010 will be a year of happiness for you rather than this year.if you got anything,problems or whatever,just talk to me okaaay.i love ya as always,my kickass friend.to syafiq,joe,imran,apul(The Sub Z Boys!),shah,khairul,farahdee,shima,nurul,zul,azman,charles,sufian and apiz,i hope you all will be bless with luck and happiness.those i forget to mention.im sorry.you guys and gerls are still in my heart.trust me.....

okay.later im going to crash at Joe's working place at Sembawang Wharves there,near the shipyard with The Sub Z boys.we gonna party like hell.going to bring my friend's DSLR along.will take whole lotta pictures.and now,at Malaysia i can hear the fireworks this early but where the hell is it??!!! hmpf!! "buat orang bingit aje tau!"

P.S:im sorry my love*.i wont be there for you this New Year.we shall wait for National Day.and i will see you beautify the sky again. ):

*fireworks

not like anyone.

2009-12-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

beautiful huh?! ^.^''

anyway,today,me,alif and my ITE mates went to The Cage at Kallang to play soccer.wah! its been a very long time i played soccer.so why not work out my body a little bit.we played like hell.i only scored once.hahaha! but hey! doesnt mean im not good.we played from 1.00pm till 5.00pm.we were like exhausted to the core.then we went to Beach Rd to have our dinner,since some of them brought their own cars.from there we went to Marina Barrage to chill.the scenery over there is awesome.like super uber beautiful! that place gave me some good ideas.we chilled till we got bored.then one of them decides to go Sembawang Park to chill.hahaha! i dont mind cause its near to my house.the others were staying at East Side.so we went there and ended up we took the further way to Sembawang instead of the nearerst one.i already told them and they dont want to listened.anyway,reached there and chill again.my body were aching.then about 11.00pm we decided to go back home.

my body hurts like hell.but i think its good.shape things up.hahahah! the night before,takraw at hometown and today soccer at The Cage.anyway it was awesome and good work out.instead of just sitting at home,staring at the laptop,eat,then sleep,read books.you need to go out sometimes.

the night where i went to Zouk for Infected Mushroom was awesome.not going to update on that.too tired.awesome is enough to describe it.its like a gig instead of a club.people jumping,pushing around.but that night,we get to talk alot to the ladies there.they seem to be very friendly.heheh! ;D ok stop!

i think im going to hit the sack! goodnights,my strawberry and pumpkin! :D

P.S:im always here...

Wrong choice!

2009-12-26T18:07:00.000+08:00

Im going Zouk later.Infected Mushroom is here in Singapore.

i'll update more when i come back.hope everything goes smoothly..... XD

P.S:oh oh...you're so going to regret.trust me.

18 lah sey!

2009-12-21T20:16:00.000+08:00

First of all,i would like to say...

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY BELLA!!!! :D

chey!! you're 18 already lah seeeyy.legal age you know.hahah! anyway,you're the best! i hope you're happy forever and may allah bless you with load of luck and happiness.love ya beb! :D

cant wait for my long holidays.its about time i need to rest.phew! im tired like hell.my leave will start on the 23rd Dec till 4th Jan.hahah! bluek! :P

anyway,just now at camp,azmi brought a cake.and he put it at the office.my bunkmates and our two officers were there too.so we were like staring at the cake,waiting for someone to start opening it.then came Shahul.he said "fark you all ah.you all keep staring at it by the time it will taste sucks!".so we were like anticipating for the moment to receive our small piece of cake.its a big cake.a christmas cake.each of us receive a small piece of cake and there was another big piece of cake left.we were all full.so we stared at the cake again.and then i just pick up the cake,was looking at my friend with an evil look.and then amir was like "NO!! ameerul,please no!!".hahaha! he knew what was i thinking."FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!" i just grab the cake and threw it at amir and others were like scattered everywhere.my officer was also grabbing some pieces of cake on the floors and start throwing at us.HAHAHAH! we were like shouting,running and pretty much dirtying the places around us.i manage to hit azman,amir,sufian and one of my officer.hahah! aftermath.......we gotta clean the whole place up.but hey! it was damn fun!! see lah whos the firestarter?!!

i just got news from the internet that Brittany Murphy just died.No way!! like seriously,shes one of the cutest actress i've seen and she died.this is very sad.shes still young.anyway,she wont be forgotten. ):

P.S:this may never start.we could fall apart and i'd be your memory....

mannequins

2009-12-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

Outfield was awesome.i can't believe i just type that.hahah! :P.okaay its going to be a long post.i guess.theres alot of great experience i want to share when i was at outfield.

it was monday and i have not yet to know who was my so called "working partner" will be.he must be someone higher rank than me.always is.i went down to my vehicle and he was there standing right beside it.he was Warrant Officer Timothy.i dont know who the hell is he anyway,so i just came over and say hi and stuffs.he can speak malay.so we move out at about after lunch to the field camp area.by the way i was supporting the Medics Company,all those doctors and nurses.so,Timothy was a nurse and he became a warrant officer.cool huh.so we talked about some nursing stuffs.we reached the field camp area,there were so many others soldiers around there and so we sat one corner with some of timothy's "appretince".hahah! :P anyway,we continued on talking on how this outfield is going to work.he told me that he is working with the in-charge whos rank is full leftenant.i was thinking "he must be on the ball kind of guy.".yeah right! and then the full leftenant came.i was sooooo farking surprised!! the full leftenant is a WOMAN!!!! and she is soooo cute and pretty.like seriously! im not being sicko okaaay! but she is pretty!. like,love at first sight kind of thingy.i was like tripping bebs! and i got to know that my friend get to work with her.pffft!! but it was okay.everywhere she go,timothy and i gotta follow her also.then....

there was one time where she asked to me to drive her somewhere with timothy.so i was like "okaay.erm...fasten your seatbelt ma'am".suddenly she was like speaking chinese to me which i understand a little bit.and then she suddenly asked "are you malay or chinese?" and i answered "malay,ma'am".and she was like "ouh,so you're malay and you understand chinese?." i smile and said no.and then she asked "and then why when i told you to go there in chinese,you seem to understand?" and i answered with a smile "your hand signal,ma'am" and she just nodded and she continue "you look very fair.i thought you were chinese.hmmm..very fair!" and timothy who was at the back,chuckled and i went blushing."malu tau!!" after that she went back to my friend and i was left with timothy again.both of us have to go somewhere far from campsite and we gotta stay there with some other medics.and it was cool watching them treating some casualties and listening to the experience timothy went through before he was a warrant officer.

he went to US,California,Kuwait,Afghanistan.all as a senior medic down there.all he shared on how terrifying it was when he was at Afghanistan.and all his story about him treating the casualties,a four year old boy lost his arm and leg,a young dutch soldier died with his intestine all over the place,literally all over the place.all because of missiles attack from Taleban.a handsome russian soldier lost his looks,a young lady with 2 kids got paralyzed.he also told me about his experience where he saw a missile landed 2om away from him.and it sounded like a big metal piece fall to the ground.it may sound fun,thrilled but its actually truly sad.people at the base camp got attack everyday by the Talebans.we cant blame the Talebans,we also can blame the US.its like both faults lah.anyway....

the next day,my friend,amir,he was the transport operator for ma'am,you know i know who,told me that she talked about me.i was like "What?!" amir smiled "relax,amee.hahah! you know what she said,you're chubby and cute" *yakdush* i was like "...............!" amir said "kau kembang eh.ehy wah ehy wah.merah nampak muke!" of course im blushing.its not like i get that kind of remark from any girls,ladies,woman always.pffft!! and i told amir to shut up!

the next day,all of us were at the same location.so i was with amir.timothy and ma'am was discussing some things i dont even care.amir and i were like smoking weed."rokok gulung beb" pffft! and then we went off to some other place.after that i met amir again at campsite and he came to me and told me "amee,haiz....spoil image ah lu.hahah!" and i was like "i knew it.because i was smoking right?" and amir nodded.haiz....that was like the 2nd female who judge me with what my smoking.haiz...i gotta quit beb! then we were like staying till late night and it was damn boring.i was like popping out the hood of my vehicle.amir and i was like making fun of the engines.then ma'am joined us.and we joked around.surprisingly,she was pretty much putting all the jokes on me.haizzz....i got bullied by a female again.pffft!

next day morning.amir and i were having our breakfast.and then ma'am just came and sat beside me.and there were like 5 mins of awkward silence between me,amir and ma'am.suddenly she tap on my arm and asked "hey,you smoke ah??" i smiled and said yes.and i asked back "why you asked ma'am?" she said "nolah.because you're so chubby,cute and decent.didnt know you smoke at first look." hahaha! amir was like smiling.and i said "never judge a book by its cover." and she chuckled."cute tau chuckled dia" hehehe! and we talked about ourselves.got to know that shes engaged.hahahah! :P "dah,amee tkder chance!"so after that we went back camp,timothy and ma'am got to go.this is where the oufield ends and timothy was like shaking both of his hands with me and i said "encik,its great working with you!" and he replied "and its an honour with someone like you,it definitely an honour working with you! see you ameerul and take care." and it was like a last goodbye where we wont meet each other again,"padahal camp sebelah-sebelah aje." hahaah! :P .i saw ma'am and i salute to her and said "bye ma'am" and she replied "bye,ameerul and thank you every much".heheh! :D

heheheh (: what an outfield??!! haizzz.....im definitely going to miss ma'am.hahaha! :P

anyway,i gotta go beb.anything just message or call me aitez.love you all rockstars!!

P.S:i guess i can only show and make love to a mannequin.

2009-12-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

4 days outfield.pffft! no cake ah!!.hahaha! i've gone through worst than that.

anyway,just came back from camp,for awhile.preparing for outfield.im hungry like hell and my mom cooks "Ayam masak merah gang!!" fuuuuyoooo! hahaah! ....

okaay,im full right now.and now my sister gave me a ferrero rocher. O.O!!! waaaaahh!! imagine,it melts in your mouth.the taste of the chocolate so,"detail".so smooth.so....ok stop!!!

currently im listening to some R&B,hip-hop,pop songs bluek!! :P.craig david,david guetta,kris allen and many more lah!.saying "im listening to pop songs" is kinda gay for me.but as a musician,we need to appreciate different type of genres too.and its not about the music,its about the meaning of the song that is important.well,it also depends on the mood.nowadays,my mood is running haywire.i dont know why.is theres such thing as pms for guys?.ishk!!! now i do really sound gay!

this Saturday,there will be Punkrock Return 4.O.O!!! waaaaahh!! it will be held at Blackhole 212,Syed Alwi Road.i dont know where the hell is that.Misissued,Rancour,Shoe Size Nine,Murder by Ska,Revolt will be performing bebs.weeeeee!!! :D when was the last time i went to a gig? hmmmm....anyway,this is a must go beb.hahahaha! im so going to go mosh and kick some punkrock kid's ass...mofo!!

Bella,where are you?.im worried sick about you seh.haha! seriously. :D i hope everything is fine.

ok enough.i need to chowz,ma brotherz,sistaz and rockstarzzzzzz!!

P.S:neh neh neh neh neh.losing side!! hahah! :D

Will Regret!!

2009-12-13T20:10:00.000+08:00

an old song but it reminds of those great times.beautiful memories. :D

Weekend was great,even though there somethings that is bringing me down to the ground...

on friday,went out with Sufian and Apiz.thought we wanted to chill at Clarke Quay but we ended up at Duxton.so we chilled there like theres no tomorrow.met Apiz friend at Duxton.make some new friends.and it was awesome shit.

the next day...azman,syed jufri and i went shopping all over Orchard town.end up i was the only one who bought some shits.pffft! we were like "covering" the whole town.from ION to Far East to Cineleisure.we really did walk alot that day.and then Sufian called me and asked me whether i want to buy ZOUKOUT tix from him.i was soooo in a dilemma.i want to jam but at the same time i want to go ZOUKOUT too.haiz....too bad i promise to jam first.so ZOUKOUT see ya next year.*sob*sob* )': anyway,we met irwan,his girl and syukri at clarke quay.we went jamming at Fourtone or Fortone.i dont know! honestly,the jamming studio sucks.but hey we managed to play Nirvana-Smells Like Teen Spirit.and i was like the one playing the whole instrument there.drums,guitar,bass and i even sang.pffft! "flexible-musician lah katerkan".hit the drums like hell beb! play the guitar like im making love with it. hahah! that was like the first jam since god knows when.we jam for 2 hours instead of 1hour.after the jamming session,i felt so alive.felt like a new guy.hahah! went back to ma hometown.

today,azman and i went out again cause he wants to sell his PSP and i wanted to get my hair cut.so we went to Northpoint,Yishun.azman managed to sell his PSP,then we went to Mcdonald,McCafe bought some drinks and chill for awhile.then we took about an hour just to find a salon.hahah! got my hair cut by a "gay" ishk! anyway,i look handsome,cute and macho right now.heheheh! :D

right now bobby is hooking me up with a 21 year old malay gal.haiz...he's forcing me to get to know her.but that gal and me were too shy.pffft! great.haha! anyway,just making friends thats all.

to Bella beb,relax kaaay.im always here for you. :D love you!

last but not list,im going to just live my life to the fullest.have fun like i used to.im not going let anyone ruin my life.im open right now.my door to love is open.so easy said,i can always accept love back anytime.and i know im better and different from other guys. :p even though its an arrogant statement but it is sooooo true. :D

P.S:let me remind you of your so called "dignity".

Regret.hahah!

2009-12-11T20:58:00.001+08:00

well,its hell of a week.alot of downs but hey,im looking up high in the sky.

first of all,CONGRATS Bella!!! you guys are back together and im truly happy.knowing that you guys are back together is enough to make me smile,laugh,happy,erm....thats all lah! "nanti kembang pulak!" anyway,told ya everything will be in place.and i thank you so much for giving me motivation to move on.i appreciate it alot.i promise i'll be strong.if i dont,well,like i said,you can knock my head!.heheh! you're the best and i love you too beb!! :D

other than that,im not going to say much.im sick and tired of going through this all over again.i know this day will come,AGAIN!.just wanted to say that im not on the losing side at all. :D

okaaay.later tonight im going to go Clarke Quay to chill with Sufian and Apiz.going to smoke and have some fun baby!! ahahahah! pubs,bars and club all over.we will choose where,when we reached there.

tomorrow,going jam for sooo uber long time.i dont know when was the last time i jam with my mates.but this is a new band line-up.and im sure we going to make it.heheheh!

other than that,"kalau tak puas hati,ader benda nak bincang,ader hal,kalau rindu ke,boleh lah call handphone saya yer." chowz!!

P.S:you just see me,but you never really LOOK at me. :D

500 Days of Summer

2009-12-06T23:52:00.000+08:00

an another awesome movie..

i've just watched 500 days of Summer on the internet and i didnt expect the movie to be so funny and erm....meaningful.well,have you ever watch a movie where it coincidently tells a story that is pretty much similar to you.erm...honestly,this movie is kinda similar to what i've been through.hahah! seriously.so you want to know what im going through,just watch this movie.anyway,zooey deschanel is awesome on the movie.shes beautiful,funny and pretty much "heartless".you'll know why when you watch the movie.recommend this to you Bella.it will make your day. :D but beware of the ending part.kinda erm....it ends with a sad note.but it will still make a person's day.trust me.heheh! another must watch movie!!

anyway,to that "somebody".dont give up okaaay.how many times have you seen that phrase in MSN? ahahah! seriously,dont give up.you got your friends and me to support you.im always here if you need somebody to talk or cry on to.like you said,im your listening ear.be strong and dont ever look down.and its true,you need time.I love you,beb.hahah! what are friends for anyway........ ^.^!!!

P.S:fading away.can i ever avoid that?

what a shame?!

2009-12-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

ZOMBIELAND makes my day.. :D

Lido,watching movie for free,watching it with friends,Zombieland,a whole lotta laughters,window-shopping like hell,what more could you ask for? Zombieland is sooooo fucking awesome.its soooo funny shit.yo junkies,hippies,rockers,you all HAVE to watch the movie.rating is way above 10.like serious shit! if only theres an "infinite rating" :P ......i can assure you all it will make your day.

after the movies,irwan,syed al jufri and i went window-shopping around town area.and this time we really were looking through all the things we want to buy.Next saturday,will be the "rebellion" day,well according to Syed.we saw faizal working at Isetan Lido.when it was lunchtime,he met us and treat us Pastamania.like he said "sekali sekale aku dapat jumpe korang."so that is why he wanted to treat us.and we talked about life outside and inside camp.and its true,working life outside is harder than NS.no slacking,resting or running away from jobs.at about 1900hrs we went back home.....

to Bella.you gotta watch the movie beb.i keep telling you this because its been a very long time i recommend you watching this movie.since 500 Days of Summer,according to you.hahaha! :P.should see it with your boy and friends beb.seriously!! you'll laugh alot!! if you watch the movie and you're not laughing at all,its either you already lost your humour or you're not a human at all.HAHAH! i will not spoil the movie because its to damn awesome to spoil.i think im going to watch it again.HAHAHA! typical Amee!! okaaaay, i got to go now.tomorrow duty ah gang! anything just call or message me,okaaay lovely.and remember this when you watch the movie,"Rule No.17:Dont be a Hero..but sometimes we need to break the rules to save lifes,so....Rule No.17:Be a Hero"....you all will understand when you watch it.heheehehe! :D

P.S:you said "it takes two hands to clap" but look at yourself.shame!!

tired of working.

2009-12-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAAHHA! im soooooo going to watch ZOMBIELAND tomorrow!! bluek :P to Bella!!

tomorrow is a half day for my camp.we are going Lido to catch the movie and its free since its the camp Anniversary.pffft!! my parents are celebrating their 23rd anniversary too.at Port Dickson somemore....and without me!! haiz...but hey! im watching ZOMBIELAND for free.so its kind of a win-win situation.heheh! catching the movie early in the morning at 9.crazy huh??!! NS beb!! what do you expect?! after that maybe we are going to chillax at town like theres no tomorrow.weeeeehhooooooo!!! and Eclipse(the Twilight Saga) shooting will be complete and it will come to screen on the 30 June 2010.waaaahhhh!!! cant wait for the war between The Cullens and Victoria's clan.hehehe! ooops! spoiler!

anyway,to that "somebody",im watching ZOMBIELAND first! hahahah! slow ah lu....peace aye! :D

P.S:missing on alot of things,you are..regret,you will :D !!!

NEW MOON!!!!

2009-11-29T20:53:00.000+08:00

Saturday was kinda cool day for me.heheheh!

well,the plan was to shop/walk around city hall to search for Joe's ITouch screenguard or something.so we did.and end up joe didnt bought any.hahahah! he has two ITouch.one for himself and one for his ex X'mas present.sweet huh?!!.then at marina square we bumped into Khairiyah again.shes still working for the Puma thingy and she insist on us taking pictures of ourselves wearing Puma apparels.No way! once is enough.haha! i need to fill up my stomach,so we went to Mcdonalds and as i expected joe wont eat.so we sat down and i discuss with him some serious shits!.yeah serious shits! syafiq,stella,shah,you guys are part of it.so one day you guys will know.Joe shared with me some of his love story on how things work out between him and his ex and its very sad to hear.like,theres someone who goes through worst than me.then from we make a move to "we dont know where".i was like asking joe "dude,where you wanna go?" and joe was like "i've done all my things that i need to do.no plans." awwww..crap.so we were like walking aimlessly at city hall.bought my cigarrette and i smoke like im in heaven.it was only 2100hrs and we dont know where to go.so i insist on going to town.then joe called up his friend and his friend got a better idea.LEFT 4 DEAD laaaaaaaa gang!!!.so me and joe was like so on to it.we walked pass by the city link and we saw this shop selling boxes,book,diaries.and joe needs to buy something for his ex.so we went in.the book and boxes are so well decorated.flowers,butterflies,some plain designs.

we met joe's friend at dhoby ghaut and walked to the lan gaming shop.as expected "full house".and we are back to square one.empty brains! one of joe's friend said "hey,want to catch a midnight movie?" and the first movie that came to my mind was NEW MOON.hahahaha! so we bailed out on some of them and three of us went to Northpoint at Yishun to catch the movie.surprisingly,theres still some available seats for the movie compared to the theaters at Vivo which was the initial plan for me and joe.bought some snacks and hell yeah baby,NEW MOON!!!

New Moon was awesome gang.you got to watch it.to Miss Nabila Bella Saiman,i watch it already.hahah! you too slow.bluek! :P.you got to see Dakota Fanning who acts as Jane.shes erm...kinda cute.erm...hot i should say.anyway,the weird thing is,Twilight i watch it with Zul and Yazid and now,New Moon i watched it with Joe and his friend.haiz......"potong steam betul ah".so we went back home at about 0200hrs.and it was an awesome day,to say the least.

next movie will be ZOMBIELAND.hahahah! whos up for it?!!!.

:-i've done alot of things to prove the feeling i have is true.i think i've done my part.

where do i stand?

2009-11-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

i wonder,am i still important?....

Is there really a God?

We could really use a miracle right now

My secrets can't confide

They're given away, as soon as I can

And no, I'm really not that scared

I deserve what I get

Even though I'm not prepared

I will conquer this

Protecting you

Protecting your uselessness

And I know you really did try

They're coming for me tonight

Greet them at the door with a smile

Invite them in to take me away

And it's all just a bad dream, a nightmare

You will leave your light on

So that I know you're home

And I've got somewhere, some direction to run to

And I don't care how much this hurts

I'm prepared for the worst

And I've got my friends to back me up

I'm really not scared

I'll get back to you

Is this what you want?

What you wanted to see?

Is my pain not enough for your agony?

We've all got secrets

We can't keep them all

They run, they hide

Leaving you and me behind to find more

This is what they've been waiting for

This is our chance

Come with me

Wake up

:-you got to be the only one.

giving up like that?.

2009-11-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

a wilting rose..

people,friends might notice how emo i am."hi! so now you know me?!" how sad my life can be.this is who i am.as expected,some people dont accept for who i am.well you can guess this post is another "emotional complaint" by me.well,you guess it right.like i said,this is who i am.past few days has been fun and suddenly that "feeling" came back again.just came back.and thanks to my sir,they are not helping me at all.im sick right now.going to have a fever,maybe.i

theres a reason why im like this.its not like im brought up by my parents to be an emo-kid-shit! i faced through things that im having fear of.thats another story.

phew.....*inhale*exhale*(taking a deep breath) haiz....i promise myself not to talk about this to anybody not even typing it down.its like commiting suicide by talking about this.but i just cant stand it anymore......love has been very cruel to me.its as seem girls nowadays are going for things that not even they themselves know.not all girls,okaaay."love" is like a very 'serious' word to use.its a very "commited" word,if you know what i mean.falling for someone and saying "I love you" is something very rare for me to say.but people nowadays use it like,its part of fashion.okay,forget about that part.....i've tried my best to forget,move on.but theres something that is just pulling me back.look how in "love" i am?!.i've never in my life been through this.maybe you may say,"its normal.everyone will go through it and you will move on eventually." easy for you to say that.because you dont treasure everything that you had.and tonight,suddenly i just......i dont know what to type.i just couldnt describe it.its not hurtful.its just empty.everything seems to be fading away from me.like im stuck in a box,never get to go out.things are getting worst here.im not asking for sympathy.im not expecting,wanting that someone to call me and make me feel better.she doesnt have feelings for me! im not typing this down to tell the whole world,"Hey!,ameerul is good boyfriend/lover.he is sincere and loyal to girls he's in love with.please accept him as your boyfriend!!" NO! im just typing this out cause keeping it is no good for me.it "eats" deeper if i never let it out.theres no end to this....haiz...

shy,no confidence and so much more.i've met many kinds of so called friends.pulling me down to the ground.met people who treat me like a dog.treating me like i have the solution to everything.after helping them.all i get is back-stabbing.rejection.the opposite thing of what i should be getting.that is why im so over-protective over myself and the ones i love.that is why im so skeptical when people say good things to me.that is why im so phobic over things that could or couldnt have happen.its not i dont trust you guys.im just scared i might be treated the same way i was used to be treated.that is why im not the "first-move-to-socialise-with people" kind of person.im scared and not confident on what is the next thing i should do.im always on the "safety-border-line" if you know what i mean.doesnt want to go out and be brave,experimenting on things.now you know the reason why im so weird.........

things are not going my way for this few months.how long more can i endure? i have no idea.if i give up,i will consider myself a "LOSER".but if i go on,more hurtful things might come in my way.am i prepared for it? i guess so.

-:say what ever things that can hurt me.not knowing is much more hurtful.im ready for it.

French is the language of love.

2009-11-21T06:31:00.000+08:00

Je serai toujours en attente pour vous.

is it an Infinite Silence?

2009-11-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

In the Morning and Amazing

Infinite silence
flowing right in with the dawn
This is wrong, this is wrong
And I cannot sleep without the radio on...

And how could anyone
You are in my dreams
Half human, half machine
You with someone else that I have felt and seen
I cannot rest, or my consciousness contest
Looking right through the lens
From winter brings the spring again...

And we fall asleep again with ties to mend
So please let the cleaning begin with evolution...

Hold my breath until communication is
Only just a test...

You are in my dreams
Half human, half machine
Looking right through the lens
From winter brings the spring again...

Infinite silence
flowing right in with the dawn
This is wrong, this is wrong
And I cannot sleep without the radio....

-Circa Survive

Tomorrow is Saturday and i've got to do duty.hahah!damn it! nevermind.its like the last duty i have for this month.hmmm...got to plan for the month of December.hahah! anyway,im so sleepy.i think im going to be sick.sneezing like hell.maybe because of the weather.got to go lah gang! anything just dial me up okaaay.junks out!

-:will we last through the winter?

shooting stars

2009-11-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

okaaay.like seriously,i've read the newspaper about the meteor shower,which they call it "Leonid".hahah! weird name.and now im searching for it....

nice! Lee Peng just told me that its today morning at 3am to 5am.but the newspaper wrote its on Wednesday night.like right now! awwww...come on.who is right? but come to think of it,i guess i miss it.cause im looking up and theres nothing.dark clouds covering the sky.thanks to the rain! hey! seriously,its a big deal for me okay.i love shooting stars,moon and all those things that got to do with the galaxies.the newspaper i've read even wrote on how to watch a proper meteor shower.....

"go to a very big,wide field.make sure theres no other light interfering with the darkness of the sky.take a groundsheet or a matress.lay it on the grass.lie down.make sure there is something to eat.and enjoy the sight.best to watch it with your love ones"-Berita Harian.

hahahahah! well,isnt it like a common sense kind of thing to do.and still they like wrote it down on the newspaper.hahah!..anyway...awww shit...i missed it.haiz....

shooting stars is like the most beautiful space occurance ever.and somemore this meteor shower is the closest ever to the earth. ):

if only i see one shooting star,at least one,that will make my day! ^.^!!

L.T:hiding from the lights that can brighten my life.

a daily dose

2009-11-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

sitting in a room.cold.raining heavily.a great surrounding to sleep?.no.want to stay awake to cherish the moment of being at home and being free from reality.listening to music to bring the happiness.music to distract from all those problems.dreaming,listening to the songs.entering the world of perfection.dreamland some people might call but wide awake.not closing the eye.smiling,dreaming about it.desire running through the mind.everythings perfect.love.friends.families.future.everything desired right in front of the eyes.

music stops..............

and it all came back again.cold.depressing.sadness.disappointment.jealousy.crawling up to the heart and effecting the brain.world of perfection gone..perfection?.perfect doesnt exist in reality.realised,staring at the blank wall.realised,its only a dream.back to reality.hate the meaning of it.empty heart.hole in the heart,getting bigger.words coming out from the mouth "Here it comes again" or "not now".felt as if the world is cruel.the people are cruel.heartless son of a bitch! whore! slut! motherfuckers! mofos!.all around this poor earth.destroying people's life.innocent people.using all those "sweet words" to destroy it all.satisfy themselves.casual sex.scandals.they call themselves "friends".used the word "love" to trick.manupilate their minds,brains.psycho them.used them.a new life born.too young.abortion.suicide.marriage,too young.blame on "sex" again.god create sex for a new life.god create it not for satisfaction.god create it for love.love? people mis-used it.loving friends is different from loving someone.loving someone doesnt mean,changing partners after failure.giving up hope just like that.stupid! no brain!stop...........

distractions is needed.calling up some friends.going out with them.laugh like theres no tomorrow.happiness.in reality?.yes! fun.jokes all around.smiles.laughters.love for each other,as a friend.care.concern.sharing.solved problems as one.no secrets between one another.let it all out.relax.meet some new friends.fell in love with one of them? no! friends.alot of topic to talk about.interesting.missing on one another.never let go of each other.brothers and sisters is what they call.friends are like families.never hurt one another.have to say goodbyes.meet some other time.

and then.........

"here it comes again".............

hurting a friend.someone loved.not knowing about it.blaming on each other.fights.arguments.one said "enough..this is the end".one felt the pain.confused.the victim didnt start it all.ignorance is what the victim gets.why?.no answer.no true answer."sorry" is all they get.left hanging.not knowing how it ends.is this how ending suppose to be like?.one is on the losing side.one is happy as always.satisfy to see the one happy as always.

trying to forgive and forget.but somethings are pulling back.alot of things are pulling back.trying to ignore,avoid.but its like a habit.living in this box.trap in this box actually.perseverence is the word.hiding in the shadows.be part of the shadow.maybe be part of a dream that doesnt exist.waiting for nothingness.dreamland and distractions is all theres is to keep on going.to keep away from being insane.if only dreamland comes true,will treasure it with "MY" life.

-a dose of what is going through the brain and the heart everyday.

L.T:looking on the brightside of life,while the darkside is lurking behind me.

Avenue

2009-11-14T03:01:00.000+08:00

how beautiful can it be?..

im in the office right now,blogging.shahul is fast asleep.and im left alone now.duty has been very boring.

my sir just told me that maybe i've got another trip to US or Taiwan.well that will be awesome.hahah! like im in the act of desperation to "clock my mileage".i want to have my class 3 and 4 license.its for my future gang! hmm....

7 more months to ORD-oh! cant wait to get out of this place.i want to continue studying.continue studying on something that im really interested in.like multimedia stuffs.which school? heheh! standard! ITE Simei ahhh! hahaha! the kind of school that im comfortable with.well thats because i've been to that school before.have to start planning on my future.got to work.got to start earning my own money.have a gf,get married,have children,send them to school....whoa! hold on there! that is waaaay too far.i hate it when people start talking about marriage.like seriously lah.im still young to talk about it.one day you'll know why.

its cold right now.raining heavily.as if the skies knows what im feeling.hahaha! crap ah! somebody might not taken their bath yet.

well,i guess thats all i can talk about.its early in morning and my brain cant really work that well.hahaha! i shall update sooner or later.byez!

L.T:Strawberry Avenue ^.^

update

2009-11-13T06:04:00.000+08:00

simple update.....

.i'll be at camp tonight,some duty shits to do.
.yesterday just came back from oufield.
.outfield sucks but some new and funny experience.
.after book out,went to burger king at Causeway Point to have our dinner.
.Saturday will be a shopping day for me,hafiz and his gang.
.havent got my laptop back,and im fucking pissed off.
.i miss my friends so much,sounds gay,i know.
.been having alot of funny dreams.hahah!
.should go out with Nurul and my other childhood friends.
.have to pay my bills.damn!
and erm.......i've got to book in now.bye! anything just dial me up or leave me a msg. chowz! ^.^!!

L.T:bye.take care.love you. ^_^!

free your mind

2009-11-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

inside the X'Mas tree at ION Orchard..

Runaway Rockstar!! (:

Everybody needs to go out and free their own mind sometimes.but that doesnt mean the problem is solved or should i say "vanish in a blink of eye".

Saturday to me was unexpectedly,awesome! haha! thanks to Joe's Nikon EOS ?? i dont know what,it makes my day.ooops! our day,i should say.the plan was just to "shop for windows"(window-shopping in other words) before our payday.so i called up joe,zulkarnain and azman along.went to ION Orchard as usual.i cant believe we were like really survey for IPhones.its like damn expensive laaa.its like our whole one month pay will be gone if we were to buy that expensive,intelligent,crap! i rather buy an electric guitar or a DSLR.but,i've got a heart of not giving up,so i was like the telling guys to save whole 'lotta' money shits and then we can buy it.Laws of Attraction! heheh! so,after that we went to Peninsula cause Joe wants to buy some wheels for his longboard.cool huh?! im going to buy one.like seriously!! from there,i asked joe for his DSLR and took whole 'lotta' pictures for them.took too many pictures till zulkarnain complained.hahah! i think i want to be like Peter Parker!

like i took nice pictures you knoooowww.go look at my facebook laaa.Me=Peter Parker.*wink*wink*

after that we went back to Orchard Town.went out from ION Orchard and we saw this big group of Harley Davidsons motorbike and also a huge X'mas tree.went inside the X'mas tree and took some pics.Joe took some pics of the Harley Davidsons motorbike.they are soooo uber rockz."kalah mat rempit.serious!!".from there we walked to Cineleisure and we ran into Khairiyah,who was working on a PUMA competition and we were like so unlucky to ran into her.she was like "Ameeeeeerrruuulll!! sini,sini,tolong aku boleh?!".she forced me to join this competition and i had to do it cause shes my friend gang!.but its an easy task.draw something at the whiteboard,select any apparels from PUMA,wear it and pose it with the whiteboard you drew.so i drew "I ♥ PUMA" and gave a pose.Khairiyah took my picture and she said "the result will come out on the 11th November but your picture will be shown at any PUMA outlets and also at ION Orchard so people can vote for you.your pictures will be very huge." and i went O.O!!!! "malu lah aku!!!

after that we met zul ghani at city hall since he wants to go back with us.then we chilled at Sembawang till 1.ooam.talked about some problems with joe and zul ghani.its a good thing we went out yesterday.just to free our mind from some shits.our brain and heart needs a break to you know.....hmpf!

love.how cruel can it be?.listening to other peoples problem,makes me realise that theres someone out there who went through worst than me.hurtful than what im going through.but how do they managed to "contain" that for a very long time?.very long time.for years.what keeps them going?.some may overcome it but some may still be fighting against it.but im rotting in this room of mine.i've not open up my heart yet.i just dont know why.what kept pulling me back to this place.....?

ouh! like seriously,im happy for Bella.hahah! im happy for you to the max lah seh.congrats and gd luck Bella.yepz.i miss you too.hahah! like seriously "saya tak tahu bebual Indon.lain kali bebual bahasa India boleh? hahahah! lagi aku tak paham!"

ok.gotta go lah gang!.tonight need to book in.lets get back to work! byezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

L.T:this phrase really makes me feel good lah seh...find out yourself laaaaa..

chasing

2009-11-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

i've been chasing you around like a mad cat...and this is where i end up.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Yesterday night at about 11.00pm my DARLING,childhood sayang,Nurul Shahida called me.hahaha! she called me like a few times but i didnt know who was it.its a different number.then i called her back and i didnt recognise her till she called me "darlz".i was like shocked.my childhood darling called me seh! its a big deal.like seriously! and we talked about when we were in our primary school days.it was so funny and we felt like its kinda crap with what we've done when we were in those days.scolding each other over stupid stuffs.holding hands for no good reason.join some craps competitions just to attract each other attentions.hahah! both of us remebered when i joined this costume design competition,and i wore like a superman with a sword.like,isnt that so crappy.alot of things we talked about.

Nurul told me that her love life is all about coincidence.her boyfriend is my childhood friend's bestfriend.and she shared her story on how her boyfriend "sweep off her own feet".hahah! and funny thing,her boyfriend went through the same thing as what im going through right now.she told me she was very the playgirl type but when she met him,she changed.she gave me some good advices on love.and it helps alot.she told me to learn from her boyfriend and i was like yeah i think i should do that.she even told me about her ex.her ex is so the unreasonable fcuker!.i can learn alot from her story.coincidence! and we were like talking till 6.00 am this morning.like my bills is going to rise.hehe!

Nurul is like the best girl-friend i ever had and our friendship still goes on for 14 long years.heheh! she was like missing me thats why she called.*blushing*wink*wink*.hahahah! felt like chilling with her but she stayed at Tampines.like isnt that far.but hey,shes my childhood friend.will do anything for her. ^_^!!

L.T:and she said "love wont go anywhere if you're sincere about it.don't rush into things.take it slowly.dont give up.i know you very well enough" ^.^!!

2009-11-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

Hard it may seems..

Johnny or Alex? Micheal or Felix? Andrew or Adam? Ronnie or Wayne? Me or them? Me or others for yourself?

Selfish it may be.People not knowing they do things that may hurt somebody else just to make themselves happy,satisfy.Bare in mind,you're not the only one here.look up at all those names.how many more can they be?.friends? or are you just using the reason to search for someone "special".how desperate can a person be? how many are there in your mind?.

some people can get very selfish.they can afford to forget one to have another one.you know what i mean?!.can afford to put aside one just for another one.just to satisfy themselves.tsk!tsk!tsk! shame on this kind of people.you may say its part of life,but i may say people like you should be thrown away to the drain.be a prostitute or a gigolo.nevermind.one day,they will get what they've been working on.but one day,they will pay for what they've done to the others they've been taking granted on.easy said "what comes around,goes around" or "what goes up,must come down".

we might not look as happy as how they look,but i assure all of you,we will have the last laugh.mark these words.

L.T:put up a smile when things go wrong.dont worry.revenge is on the way.

Peace

2009-11-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

When Will This End?

I got to tell you that he waited all his life
For someone like you to come make the wrong things right
I know he didn't have the answers all the time
But you can't tell me that you've never told a lie.

Was it fun for you to watch him fall apart? (Watch me fall)
And suffocate him while you held him in your arms (in your arms)
I swear to God I wish he never let you in (let you in)
And I just hope we never hear from you again.

Wasted on you (so much time I've)
Wasted on you

We're almost twenty-three and you're still mad at me
So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now
Twenty-three and it's so sad to me
you tell the world I'm dead to you
But I know you want me back....now....

L.T:am i crazy because i want to touch your skin?
so if im insane so be it,I'll trade in everything.-..And the Battle Begun

its a lost

2009-10-30T01:23:00.000+08:00

new perspective...

in camp right now and im blogging.hahaha! i should be at home right now.but hey! i've got some good company to keep me entertain..they make my day,i mean night.hehe! (: charles is calling me mad but ravinder called me sicko.why? i think because,instead of them entertaining me,actually they think im entertaining them! HAHAHAH! you see im laughing again.

i dont know what im going to do for this weekend.like seriousy,i've got no plans.i want to go Sentosa.i want to relax at the beach,free my mind and of course,want to have fun.ZoukOut poster is out already.erm...i guess its a must go.but maybe im saving for something "big".im planning to go maybe Australia,Japan,New York(USA) or the Maldives after ORD.waaaaah! so called the "pre-honeymoon".hahah! like i need to get out of Singapore,freely.with no one to control me.no authority! i've told my mom about this way before i was even enlisted.so,its a very long planning and considering to make.

life has been kinda dull.living in this "cage" where i do same things on and on.as if everyday is the same routine.my life is starting to be so predictable.i've lost my unpredictable side.wake up,go camp,get "fucked" for nothing,go back home,switch on the computer and then blog.and then the routine continues.its like a habit for me.and i hate it! but if i were to do something different,i will go "awww..i shouldnt be here..i should do this." understand? nevermind if you guys dont understand.im weird.people wont understand me.but hey! i still havent lost my humor.eheheh!

i think i'll stop here.i cant think anything much.i need sugar! i need a "sugar lips".*muackz*muackz*.hahahah! eeeeewwwww! whos lips is like sugar?.hhahah!

L.T:a sentence that make me feel sooo good.anyone knows?... ^.^!!!

hurt so much

2009-10-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

It just hurts soooo much...

I thought going back camp everything might be alright.but im soooooo damn farking wrong.....

the journey from Yew Tee MRT station to my camp,for me,i will take about only 15 minutes to reach there.but now,due to my leg,i take about 35 mins to reach my camp.not only that.worst,my friends have to wait for me and keep asking me whether im okay to walk.isnt that enough for me to feel bad.like im slowing down my friends.haiz.....

went to the medical centre,for the medical officer to check my leg.i have to change the bandage.so he called up a medic.and it was Felix!!!.ouh man! he was like "You?! why?! im busy ameerul! i treated you before and i have to treat you again!" hahah! that idiot S.O.B!.so,"lan-lan" he has to change my bandage.we talked and joke like hell.he look at my wounds and he was like "you got a 2nd-degree burns.next time,just go kill yourself".hahah! i wish! and the way he treat me was sooo painful.its not like he purposely wants to hurt me.its so damn painful.i was groaning,moaning and having multiple-orgasm.hahaha! for those who hate me,dislike me,want to see me in pain and suffering like hell,that was the time where you guys can enjoy.like seriously! but we had some laughters,joking about the way i fell from the bike.after he put on the new bandage,go back to my bunk,there where it started....

the pain is soooo unbearable.arrggghhh!! its so painful.its like someone is scratching on my wounds.i was freaking out.thought of taking medicine.and got to know that im out of painkillers.nice timing huh?!.the only medicine left is antibiotics.i just ate it and its not helping.urgh! im blogging right now and the pain is still "there".

i dont know how am i suppose to go back camp later.taking cab is like out of the option.urrrgghh! considering mode.... >_<'

L.T:giving up is never part of my option...

no use anymore....

2009-10-25T14:17:00.000+08:00

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way to fairly
Well it's a shame Im a dream

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
Wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth

I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
And maybe then you'd remember to slow down
At all of our favourite parts

All I wanted was you....♥

Yesterday went out with Zul.window-shopping!(shopping for windows! hahaha!) when around the whole of Orchard.and i saw this Everlast shoe that looks exactly like Vans.brown colour somemore! and its cheaper than Vans.going to buy it next month.whole lotta shopping to do next month,including an IPhone.considering....thinking where the hell am i going get the money to buy that expensive shit! hahaha.maybeee booking in later at night....so,hello goodbye then....haiz...*crying* T_T

L.T:thinking,considering,trying to avoid the hardest decision ever... ):

2009-10-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

i need to change...

some updates...

22nd October went to Singapore Polytechnic with Rul to support Shah and Matynn.they won.hahahah! Mr.Socko won!!!! because you guys got stage presence unlike the other band.other than that...erm.......to Shah Gallagher:Honestly,if i were up there with you,we will wrecked the stage beb!! you know me.you've seen me perform before.heheheh! nevermind.one day it will be my turn to shine....heheheh! ^_^!! and buy for me something when you're going Japan.Sayonara..!!

ouh ya! Rul make friends with two korean girls which is a big deal for me.so uber jealous! he shared with me some stories about them,which made me go,O.O!! "whoa.that is sooo uber cooool.".hahah!

just now i went to Republic Polytechnic.chill around with Syafiq,Farahdee and Shima.Farahdee was like bullying me about the way i walk.im injured!!.she made fun of me infront of the other students.hahah! its okaaay."dah biaser kena kacau." got drenched by the rain just because we want to have a cigarette.haiz...

went back home early,because my left leg is hurting like hell.reached home,i decided to take things into my own hands.open up the bandage myself and i pretty much messed up! bleeding again.my mom freaked out after she saw my wound.so i was like doing the remedy all by myself while my mom was nagging at me.and now it hurts like hell.haiyoh.....

i guess,i better go now.alone at home,since my parents went to johor.haiz...no mood to follow.

L.T:did he hold your hand the way you prefer?...

2009-10-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

Omar Rodriguez Lopez:The Mars Volta guitarist.

Frank Iero:My Chemical Romance guitarist & Leathermouth vocalist.

Random Pics;

have you ever feel like losing everything when someone you really love just give you a one big gunshot words to your heart "I give up on you.I dont love you anymore!"?? the answer is obvious right....(Hell Yeah) hahahah! and how do you react(for starter/beginners)? "what?.NO! why??.what did i do wrong?.tell me.i apologize.im sorry for what i've said." is that how you all react?.how about for those who are so called "expert.experience.old timer"?? "Whatever!.what i've said and done is good for me.you dont like it then its your problem.you want to leave me,i dont care.i dont give a shit.there are so many guys/girls who are chasing for me out there." okaaay.i think that last part is kinda arrogant.hahah! but seriously,do they really mean what they say? or are they just doing it just to tell their bf/gf that they dont care but actually they do?.hmmm....makes me think....

look..every relationship we've been through,every single kisses,every single touch of hands or even skin,affects our "bond",if you know what i mean?.it makes your relationship stronger,your bonding stronger.when that happens,everything in this world doesnt matter to you.as if the world,the moon,the sun,the stars revolves around the person you love.everything is all about him/her.nothing else matters.all you see is your "lover".if theres an explosion,or an accident,or someone is shouting for help,all you can see,hear is him/her.believe me.i've been there and of course you all been there too right?.hahahah! and suddenly,everything seems to fall apart.they gave you the "heartbreaker" phrase and everything seems to be lost.empty.blank.dark.you are in the verge of losing your mind.you cried.you beg.you kneel down.you prayed.you said things that you really mean it.but too bad your "lover" or for now "heartbreaker",doesnt love you anymore.and whatsmore,they didnt even give you a reason "why".now thats is how the starters/beginners or should i say "the always true to their words when in love" react.how about the "expertise"?...

when in good terms with their "lover",they will look like as if no one exist but just them.hahaha! kisses here,smooches there,spanking here,hugging there.hahahah! but when it comes to fight.aiyoh!! "buruk!" understand the meaning of "buruk".ugly.yes.straight forward.ugly! but fights is the ugliest part of them,when it comes to break ups.fuuuhhhh!! ego! "he/she wants to leave,i dont even give a shit.im not at lost,he/she is the one who is at lost." see! but do they really mean what they say? to me its impossible.a very long relationship,broke up and they said it as if they can get another bg/gf in no time.hahah! but i did some "interrogation".i asked "do you really mean what you say?".he/she replied "Yaaaah.why?" and i asked again "everyword?" he/she at last said "but i still do have some feelings for him/her".hahahahah! what kind of couple,who just broke up,would forget each other that easily?.unless you're not human.so instead of just acting you're strong,might as well you just let it all out.right?

about losing someone.you all might say "just move on asshole".its the same old advice i hear everyday.not only for me but also to some of my friends.some of my friends even asked me for help and i would say "dont give up,if you think its worth it".but when they asked someone else.."just move on laaa".the same old thing.whats life without challenges? it will be fucking bored.seriously.i know bored.everyday,every single minute to me is a challenge.if theres no challenge,my life will be dull.i wont be here blogging about some shits.i wont be having alot of friends like i always do.i wont be going to clubs to have fun.i wont even be sitting in my room,listening to my music,thinking about her.i wont even be missing her like i always do.so whats the used of giving up? you're loser! challenge comes and you run away from it.dont! accept all challenges like accepting something you never knew about yourself.maybe you might change to someone better in the future by accepting this challenges.........

tomorrow going SP to support shah and matynn.hey! long live rock bands!! hahah! my sister is snoring so i think i'll better sleep too.hehehe! gd nitez my junkies lover.

L.T:a colourful life is what everybody wants...

open up

2009-10-20T19:40:00.001+08:00

:they dont love you,like i love you... ^_^

my left leg is killing me!!

like seriously.im enduring the pain of my wounds and also the muscle cramps.just ate my medicines and hell yeah its not helping.hahah! if only i can trade the pain with something internal.something that i can try to forget and thats it,its gone,wouldnt it be easier.hehe!

im kinda bored with clubs already.i want something more.well,of course im bored with clubs.reached there,dance,friends got drunk,have to take care of them,they vomit,i have to be beside them,the same old story....haiz.complaining? oh yes.im complaining! i think its about time i have to go to a bar instead of a club.hmmm...yesssss!!! chill,relax,make some new friends.not like club.most probably you make new enemies.well,depend on the club itself.if they reject you because of you are malay or indian,well,you may say "thank you very much" to mat reps,gangsters for making a "good name" for the malays and indians.maybe,im wrong to say this because maybe the management only wants their own "colour" to be in the club.im not being racist here.but its the fact! i got in but my two other friends,charles and shawn didnt got in.they are philiphines and they are black.first impression will be "they are indians".but why they got rejected??.could it be the way they dress?.might be?.......so if you're having trouble going to clubs,might as well go to bars and chill or you are seriously desperate to club just go Dbl O or Zouk.enough said....but i recommend Zouk.DbL O,seriously,people there are no good.

why am i discussing about this? because im trying to put my mind away from the pain im enduring right now.medicine wont help,so i guess blogging helps.hahaha! next topic....

aaaahhhh!.thrills is what everybody needs.at one point of time you need thrills to either distract yourself from anything that makes you depress or you just want to attract attention from someone.or maybe you're just crazy and you want to have fun.maybe thrills may help in life,to overcome some things you dont want to remember.but some thrills can cause a life.thrills like riding a rollercoaster,bunjee jumping,parachuting is something that is fun and you want to share it with someone.easy said attracting someone attention.but if its thrills like riding a bike illegally,race with your friends,racing cars,jump out from a car,do some dangerous stunts is something you cant compare to having fun.if you think death is fun,then carry on doing it.now this is something that would caught someone attention to the fullest.but only the thing is your dead.and by then,you already know whether that someone really cared about you or not.Honestly...i've thought of doing things that might effect my life.i tried alot of things that is dangerous.that is why i laugh at myself when i saw myself bleed.when i got hurt,i'll still be laughing out loud as if everything is a joke.i laughed not because of the pain.its because of the thrills.why do i need thrills? because i want to forget the sorrow.whats the used of thrills when you got injured and you cried? no thrills,you cried.if theres thrills,you cried also.see what i mean.but,dont worry.i wont go to the extend where its "suicidal".but i've learn one thing from this......how much pain you've been through,there still someone out there who really cares about you...

awwww...sex everywhere! geylangs! even at clubs.bluek! ok.i admit.i do want to try to have sex.who doesnt? hey! im still a virgin okaaay.unlike others.i've got my own dignity! but having sex with a prostitute? seriously? O_o?! worst having sex with someone you love??!!! no way! shame on you all! like seriously.you are destroying someones life by having sex with a virgin.and you are not married.wait,and you're still in your 17-20+.awww damn! and you all said "do you love me? if you do,please do "this" with me." awwww crap! and pooof! the guy or the girl give in and there you go! "they are making babies".and the next thing you'll know they guy or the girl just leave without a good reason.and then they will go "sialah ni jantan.dah main aku abeh tinggalkn aku.sialah ni betina,aku dah main die dalam2,abeh tinggalkan aku.abeh kirekan die nak konek jantan lain ah ni?" hahah! okaaay,im sorry for that kinda language.what im trying to ask here is do you think love is the reason for sex?.if thats true,then why nearly 90% of those couples having sex underage doesnt last long.because they are immature fuckers! look,honestly,let us be open! my ex kisses me and she touches my chest and then my thighs.i was turned on but we didnt get too deep.but still we do love each other.that was long time ago ah....hahah! but why the hell did some underage immature get too deep till they did something they will regret one day.because they are idiots! hahaha! well what i can say is,just take care of yourself.dont think that love can overcome everything....

i think i said enough to make myself distract from the pain..hahah! i think i said things i shouldnt have said.well,its my blog.so who gives a damn.

L.T:waiting? nope.im rotting....

di balik awan...

2009-10-20T11:36:00.000+08:00

azman and me...

i may look like im having fun but,ever thought of where i put my sadness??..hmm...

Im soooo damn fucking bored at home.like seriously.if i were to go out,my sir might come and check on me.if im not at home,thats it! charge A.W.O.L!! hahaha! but come on ah.for 5 days,staying at home,rot till im dead.no life man! no fun! the doctor says,a woman somemore,"you walk alot.you didnt have enough rest.that is why you're bleeding.5 days MC.go and have your rest at home.no going out!!" its like getting a death sentence.haiz.....but......i can always "rebel".heheheh! shhhhh..dont tell anyone.maybe im going out at night.have some smoke,red bull or soya bean.hehehe! i love Vitasoy.okaay.thats kinda gay!

okaaay.i need to plan for my weekends.i dont care.i have to go out.anybody wanna go window-shopping with me?! or watch movie with me?.if i were to stay at home on weekends,might as well i jump out from my window.hey! that sounds fun.a new experience! hahahah! relax! im not going to kill myself.joking..."nanti ader aje orang bising".*im pointing fingers to those who got freaked out when they know i got into an accident*

Bella,my friend,i know i owe you a G-Max ride for making you worry but you bullied me,so we are even.hahaah! so you owe me something too. :P bluek!!

i have to go and eat my medicines now.i will update sooner or later.chowz my junkies friend!

L.T:im still true and holding on to my words.... ^_^

VOOOTEEE!!!

2009-10-19T21:13:00.000+08:00

Hey guys vote for my picture at Ramadan Through Your Eyes competition.please.....if you all love me,like me or even hate me,at least help me win this.heheheh! just click on Ramadhan and find for the picture where Syafiq is wearing a jubah and above him is the symbol of islam.please....love you all.if i win.i'll share with you guys.i promise.my promise is not meant to be broken.... ^_^

just click on the link.then click on vote.it will automatic go to their own facebook site.find the pics and just click "like"....easy said.....once again i love you all.... :D

L.T:bleeding to oblivion....

bleeding...

2009-10-19T01:27:00.000+08:00

Im bleeding beb!...HAHAHA!

i thought of resting the whole day but my cousin from malaysia,Angah,came here with his girlfriend to visit us.my twin cousin,kakak daya and dayu came with their own boyfriends and kakak rin was here too.so they asked me to tag along with them.why not.so i went out with kakak daya and her boyfriend,shah,while the others were meeting us at VivoCity since they ride by car.so we walked from my house to the MRT and seriously,its a long walk.inside the MRT,my left leg started to feel pain.i can feel something dripping inside my bandage.damn it! i should have taken my painkillers.i was suffering like hell the whole journey inside the MRT.didnt tell kakak daya cause i dont want her to worry.so i was like enduring it all the way....

kakak daya and shah went back home early,so i followed kakak dayu,her boyfriend and others since her boyfriend,ehsan is driving.thought it will be a relaxing journey but....we have to get down,go up the slope and everything.we went to Henderson Wave.my leg is getting worst everytime we walked.bleeding like hell.was trying not to show the pain.but at last they knew....

went home early,checked my bandage and my wound bleeding.hahah!

till now i can feel the blood dripping inside my bandage.just took my painkillers and its still the same.OUCH! so you all really do want to ride a bike??!!! think carefully....

L.T:now im bleeding all over my bedroom floor...hahahaha! ^.^'

Jackass

2009-10-18T09:31:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAH! i cant stop laughing about what happened yesterday.like seriously.....

the plan was to go Wild Wild Wet and have whole lotta fun.so zul picked me up at my house and we went to Farhan's block to meet the others.then they wanted to go Sunplaza to withdraw some cash.so i said to zul "why not i bring you to sunplaza?" and he was like "yeah,sure".then i replied "dont be angry if we fall.okaayy zul?".then stella was like "mulut kau! sialah merul!".zul just smile.so i ride the bike while zul was at the back.HAHAHA! i stalled right in middle of the traffic light and zul was like shouting at me.heheh! but hey we had some laughs man! from there to Pasir Ris,i ride on hasif's super 4.well we didnt reached Pasir Ris actually.......

okay.stella and syarhan was on her S-wave bike.me and hasif was on his super 4.zul with his 125-Z,alone and farhan with his own super 4 alone too.so i and stella was the pillion.so we took some pictures of each other on the road.it was awesome!!!! the way hasif ride the bike is like riding a "rollercoaster on a straight road".okaaay.i think that wasnt a good description.but seriously it was thrilling shit.so i was like thinking,this is what i need all along.the thrills! waaaah! then......we reached Loyang.now there is where it happened....

red light.we stopped.so stella was busy taking pictures of us.and i took picture of syarhan and stella together.green light.we moved.suddenly i and hasif wobbled.caused by some shit car.well,we wobbled and i was already more to my left side.hasif tried to brake to gain balance,but he's too late.i fell down to my left.the motorbike drag me about a few centimetres.and i saw the beautiful blue sky O.O waaaah!.hahahaha!.then hasif fell down too.and the bike fell down on me.then stella and syarhan hit hasif on the back.and i quickly tried to stand up.and everything was like chaos.my mind when blank.i saw hasif walk to the pavement in agony.i saw stella's bike and hasif,down on the floor.stella and syarhan was fine.i lost one of my slipper.HAHA! hasif was lying on the pavement in pain.then it took me about 5 mins to say something and it was "hasif! are you okay?".well,i was worried about him and the others.then it took me another 5 mins to remember about my slipper.i was like "mana slipper aku?".hahahah! stella was like "nanti aku amek kan kau.sabar.".another 5 mins,i realised i was injured with bruises and some cuts.then i started to moan.HAHAH! "lambat seh reaction".took some pictures of my cuts.i laughed all the way.and they were like "suke seh merul ni.maseh boleh ketawe pulak tu".its a new experience gang!.so we ride to CGH by ourselves.and we got whole lotta treatment there.

the treatment was erm...great.moaning like hell.ahahah!

then we went to changi village to have our meal and the rest is history.....

seriously,it was a new experience for me.and of course theres something to learn from this.but the adreline rush was awesome.now this is what i call thrills.some may think im crazy but i've never been into an accident before,well nearly got into an accident,so this is a big deal for me.hehehe! ^.^.i want thrills and this is what i get.truly an unforgetable and fun experience.i can laugh all the way on how i fell and everything.funny shit ah.this is what we call "Jackass Junkies".

ouh! im not going to tell my mom.hahaha! wearing long pants right now! OUCH!.hahahah!

relax my friends.no need to be all so serious right.hahah! especially azman.haiiz...he was like "kau accident,maseh boleh senyum-senyum,ketawe semua" what to do?.its funny!.to Bella:now this is thrilling beb! yah.i know its dangerous but its great.hehehe! like you said "so much for the thrills of the lifetime" hahahah! ok ok!.one day you want to take a "ride" on the G-Max Slingshot??.at least this is proper than the accident.HAHAH! by the way,sorry to make you worry.heheheh! :P

ok.i shall stop here before people are chasing me to Mental Hospital.HAHAHAHA!

L.T:walking like a zombie.....hahahaha!

all over

2009-10-17T13:14:00.000+08:00

Weeeeeee!!!! im going Wild Wild Wet with Zul,Syarhan and Stella.....hahaha.i've got alot of things to update and upload pictures about yesterday shits! so i will do everything soon or maybe later.aite! chowz!!

L.T:my blood is all over the dancefloor....

reds

2009-10-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

Weii!! tomorrow off day wei!! HAHAHA! Deepavali off la dey!!! Advance Deepavali celebration.

tomorrow,Friday,16 October 2009,Hafiz is going to celebrate his belated birthday with his friends.he invited me.weeeee!! we are going to smoke sheesha like hell and they are going drink like shit at Bugis.my god! hafiz is going open few jars of liquors i guess.but hey! me dont drink ehy....so like usual,im going to take care of them if they got drunk.haiz....but i know its going to be fun cause after that......

maybe,i'll be tagging along with shawn,charles and ryan to Rebel at Clarke Quay.waaaaaahh! 2 times clubbing in 1 week.a personal record for me!.they told me they are going to get into a fight.i was like "whatever assholes...i just want to go there and have fun." and again i have to be there to take care of them.haiz...but hey! i want to have fun.who cares?! hehehe.i want to release some stress and shits.hahaha.

got to know that my sir has the same music interest as me.ahahah.and he asked whether im interested in making a band with him.he knows i can sing and play the guitar.so he needs me.hahah.but he sang better than me.i remember during the karaoke "session".hahaha! anything la....i can join his band if he wants me to.hahaha! hope this works out.its about time i come out from my "shell".

and Bella is annoying and bullying me right now.*sob*sob* somebody help me please.if only im not that shy.cause i've been bullied like hell.don't be angry ehy Bella.hahah! that girl ah "yang kacau daun.i pulak yang kacau daun?!." haiz..."apelah nasib aku.tsk!.asyik kena bully dengan perempuan aje?" nevermind la...heheh!

im using my mom's computer and she is blabbering about me using her comp.oh come on.my laptops down.*sob*sob* please understand.

L.T:put together the reds and you'll find it... ^_^

Colour

2009-10-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

awww...

Whats life without "colour"?

Anyway,being in camp is not so boring at all as time pass by.get closer with some of my bunkmates.and some of them shared secrets with me.and i dont know why they chose me as a listening ear.erm...am i good listener?.hmmm..but some secrets are not meant to be shared.some secrets are too "dark" for me to handle.sometimes,one couldn't handle the truth that much.may effect ones life badly or maybe in a good way.just maybe.agree? yeah.sometimes,hearing their own secrets can be very sad.same maybe good,but most secrets to me are so-called "bad stuffs".am i suppose to know their secrets?.maybe they need someone to listen to.to let 'it' all out.but why me? do they trust me that much?.or do i look like somebody who can help? who doesnt have any problems with my own life? come on.im a just a human being.no such "perfect" person in this world.perfect dont exist in this world.and i believe that.well,maybe you can trust me.maybe im someone worth talking too.but are your secrets worth sharing with?.

just now,sufiyan borrowed me his PSP.he got 500Days of Summer and Yes Man movie in it!!!!! and he didnt tell me.fucker! Zooey Deschanel is acting on both movies.waaaaaahhhhh! im so in love! hahaha! okaaay.that sounds gay! but she was so awesome.theres one part where she rode a scooter.cool shit.ouh! she even got a flower on her head! aaaaaaaahhhh! rose somemore! *melting*. O.O!! anyway,i just watch Yes Man since im catching 500Days of Summer at the theaters.but still searching for someone to tag along *its a treat*.......hahah!

Ouh! New Moon is a must watch movie.i heard on 98.7fm that the ratings are high.even though the movie is not out yet.the soundtrack especially is a must buy.bands from Radiohead,the Killers,The Verve and so much more will be in the soundtrack.they compose the song specially for the movie.so you wont get the song from the internet that easily.The Twilight Saga rules! or should i say Vampire rocks!!

L.T:waiting silently..........

fuhhhh

2009-10-11T13:15:00.000+08:00

well,yesterday,our pay came in late.at about 1700hrs.there must be some major problems going on there.got my pay so.....go Zouk ah!

i went out at about 1900hrs to meet Sufiyan and gang at Somerset.and reached there at about 2000hrs as promise.promise?.yeah right.i was the one who reached there first."biaserlah.janji melayu".they reached somerset at about 2100hrs.1 hour of waiting and not complaining :P . sufiyan and gang wanted to go shopping for awhile.so we went to heeren and then Ion Orchard.walked around and shopping as though we just striked 4D.hahah! then we went to topman and try out some new/old outfits.haha! i tried to wear a blazer and its so damn cool! and of course the price is "cooler" than the blazer,if you know what i mean?.i even tried out a snow cap.fuuuyooo! "dah macam rastafarian".after that....

we walked pass by Starbucks at Ion and i saw Sulasteri,my secondary school mate.at first i didnt recognise who is she,but as i try to erm...recalled,well kinda surprised to see how different she looks.well she wasnt alone.Fadilah and Umairah were there too.they are my schoolmates too.hehe! so i when over to them.they were like "Oh my god! ameerul.how are you?" and i was like "yeah.im fine.thanks". then they told me that Siti Suhaila is working there! they told me "hey,Siti Suhaila kat saner tau.tengah kerja." and i was like "really....". f.y.i Siti Suhaila is my ex-girlfriend and i never seen her for a very uber long time! so feeling shy as usual,i walked up to the cashier and i saw her.haha! she was like working her ass off,making coffees.hahah! ^_^' i called out her name and she turned.she took about 0.004 secs to recognise me.she was like "Hey! AMEERUL!!!" while waving her hand at me.and talked to her for awhile.for about 4mins.haha! fucking fast! shes attached,and im happy for her.nope,no feelings for her.that was long time ago aye! old story and i've moved on.

i told sufiyan i saw my ex.he was like "maner? where?". i showed him and he was like "Wahhh! kau punyer ex boleh tahan jugak eh.umur beraper? namer?" ."Aku raser macam nak sepak die".relax ameerul! take a deep breath.no offence but people like him....hmpf!..easy said "sweet talker motherfucker".....not jealous but worried for the well being of some good girls.

then we went to Far East Plaza to take a bus to Zouk.got to know that Zouk is packed with people.at first we thought of going Zirca but easy said "they chose colour",if you know what i mean?.so we went there and yep! packed with people.so we lined up and it took about 30 mins to gain entry.hahah! first thing we did was find a place to chill and relax.since its Hafiz's birthday,Sufiyan's friend,i helped them buy the drinks.but hey i didnt drink.i bought a red bull for myself.so we drank together.and surprsingly,red bull can make me high.haha! we went to the dancefloor and dance like theres no tomorrow.and i got to dance with a white chick,baby!.at first she bumped into me.and i turned and we were like staring at each other for a moment.but the music was so nice that both of us started to dance again.the way she dance was so super cool.and for me erm...well i dont really like dancing so i just have my way of showing that i can dance.heheh! too tired already,we stopped and we both gave a thumbs up to one another.heeee! its an honour to dance with her/white chicks.

yep! we had fun shit! some vomitting from my friends and all those stuffs.hahah! pissed-drunk! what did you expect?!.took whole lotta pictures.cam-whoring in the club! ahaha! ^.^' at about 0500hrs we took a cab and went back home.well actually i went back home alone since the others stayed at east side.haha! maybe i will upload the pictures in facebook or here when i have the time.

fuuuhhh.what a night!!?

L.T:still strong and holding on.... ^.^!!

haiz...

2009-10-10T15:22:00.000+08:00

i just like her hair and voice ^_^' yeah right...

my laptop is down,AGAIN.hahah! so no msn,no chatting.awwww....but i still can update about some shits!.

yesterday,my sir wanted to bring me and my bunkmates to this karaoke place at Jln Sultan.hahah! i thought it was just a normal place to karaoke.but.....there were girls to entertain us.provided we pay them 30 bucks.hahah! well im interested but,i still have my dignity.but some of my bunkmates did hire their own girls.pffft!.disgusted.anyway,we did sing our lungs out.songs from maroon 5,Ne-yo,linkin park,akon and many more.and i did a duet with my sir singing Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend.so gay! hahah! then when its time to pay....

my bunkmates and i when down to the ATM machine to withdraw $$$$ ching!.we thought we got our pay but.....when Charles,a bunkmate of mine,check his money......"Your account balance: $1.59" hahahaha! we laughed at him.and he was like "hey,why ah?!" we checked ours and....WE GOT THE SAME REACTION AS CHARLES! baaahh! O.O!! we were stunned.and surprisingly some "soldiers" like us were there to checked and they got the same result.we got to know that the whole army didnt get the pay.but police and civil defence already got their pay.nice....hey thanks ah Singapore Army! we got all stressed up.how are we supposed to pay for the karaoke? whatsmore,my bunkmates who hired some girls,couldnt pay them up.hahah! right back at ya! lucky theres my sir.he paid for everything.fuuh! well,we will pay him back.hahah!

today is Saturday,10th October 2009 and its 1600hrs in the afternoon.and im not sure whether the pay is in or not.how to go zouk if the situation is like this? haiz....nevermind.theres always next week right?!. ^_^'

so if seriously,you guys and gals miss me ^.^'(perasan!!) or need anything from me.just call me up okaayy gangs! laptop down so cant chat with ya'll T_T *sob*sob*.need my number?.just pm me at facebook,tagged,friendster,twitter or myspace.alot of choices huh?!.heheh! chowz baby junkies!

L.T:*perMysuri* ku sayangi...

bulan

2009-10-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

im trying to reach out to the stars and moon...

Imagine aku Tvmu
Transmissionku terbit untukmu
Dramaku produk khas siaranmu
Trans-sonet gelora Satelit Cinta

Imagine aku radiomu
Intermissionku orbit untukmu
E-ramaku rekord khas hiburanmu
Inter-planet kejora
Ke marikh asth-mara WO'o'oo

per-MY-suri rumahku
per-My-suri radarku
per-MY-suri syurgaku..
wO'o'oo Yang teristimewa

Imagine aku Vjmu
Transvisiku terbitan untukmu
Charactherku ilhamkhas pedomanmu
Trans-fonik gelora satelit cinta

Imagine aku Djmu
Intervisionku orbit untukmu
Metaforku iltizamkhas buatmu
Inter-sonik kejora
Ke-marikh asth-mara Wo'o'oo

where is *perMysuri* ?

L.T:rockstar junkies will have to prove....

searching for something thats not there...

2009-10-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

this saturday,i'll be getting my pay.maybe..just maybe,im going to Zouk.its my friends birthday so i have to go.i will consider.its been a very long time i went clubbing.i thought i had enough of this shit but "for friend sake".

this is kinda gay.i just started writing on my own diary.eeeeeeeewwwww! :P hahah! i know.very gay! but dont worry.this diary is going to contain alot of explicit contents.im going write down things that i dont even dare to type out here.but wait,if i dare to,i will type it out ah.haha.its my blog.so i can do anything to it.haha!.anyway,i had enough of keeping my own feelings to myself.maybe this will help.maaaaybeeee....so you all want to know the truth.try stealing my diary aye!.hahahaha ^.^' those who got to hold on to my diary i guess,will be the lucky one as you know what i've been thinking and doing all this time.truth hurts f.y.i. arrgggh! who cares! i've been hurt alot of times.and its time to throw it all inside that fucking diary of mine or maaaaaybeee this blog (: heeee! ^_^'.(im so last year!)

i just came back from outfield(jungle).supporting some reservist shits for 3 days.and i got the secret that made me sick.2 days straight,i got to know the secret that made me go bluek! 2 blows to the heart and stomach.some secrets about some of my OWN bunkmates in camp.at first i didnt believe what they said to me.its impossible.but it turns out true,after hearing it from another "party".one phrase will describe it all "IM HOMOPHOBIC" you all should know by now that im homophobic.its not that i hate gays,tranvestite or whatever they call ah! im just scared of them.and its by nature.i dont know why.everytime they are in my sight,i'll be about 8km away from them.for sure! and how am i suppose to cope in camp if the situation is like this? urrggh! im going to vomit.i think i shall stop here.

L.T:you are a thief and a witch but i love to death..
you steal my heart and curse under your breath..

confess

2009-10-04T21:56:00.000+08:00

so cute....and lovely ^_^' thanks to shima!

yesterday,Saturday,well,i did went out with syafiq and farahdiyanah,"jalan raya".i went only to 2 houses.and it rains.so when back home early.

this afternoon some of my father's friend and my uncles,aunties came by.i was the one who helped my mom serving water and foods.my sister,easy said "tak boleh harap".so lucky i was at home.kinda happy to help mom do some of the chores.hehe.at least i can learn doing work in the kitchen.hehe.and Bella is chatting with me just now.shes bullying me T_T *sob*sob*.haha.joking la!.so i was multi-tasking,if you know what i mean.watching movie,chatting,helping mom.haha! and i suck at it.ouh! maybe next year rayer,i'll be the one baking "kuih raya". ^_^ since my mom is lazy.why not,try new stuffs.hehe.dont worry.my mom will teach me.she laughed at me when she knew that i want to bake "kuih raya" next year.hey! at least im not lazy. ^.^'

ouh! i've changed my music list.all acoustics,if you all notice.suits with my blogskin.hehe.have fun with the song.and i recommend you all listen to every single one of it.nice song you know.very meaningful! ^_^!!

how it feels like being ignored by someone you love so much?-Cedric

L.T:it feels like everything in the world is worthless....no use being here...

Fuck!

2009-10-03T13:44:00.001+08:00

Zooey Deschanel!!

cant wait for the movie 500Days of Summer.Zooey Deschanel is acting.what more can i say? i adore her.erm...is that the right word to use?.hmmm...anyway...

life in camp is surprisingly,comfortable.haha! im getting closer with some of my camp mates whom im not really close to.Oh ya! my sir told me that maybe i'll be going to Australia,Wallaby for a training down there.they are short of one soldier(cheeyy..) so he chose me.heee!! ^_^. i hope i can go there,again.well,i've been to Australia.when i was in Pri 2.hehe.went to Perth and the place is soooooooooooooo cold!!.haha! but Wallaby wont be as cold as Perth.boring! -_-' but who cares.i want to go for the clubs down there and have some fun.HAHA! typical soldier thinking! (cheeeyy..huh? O_o') but im still waiting for the "7 days".hope its not this coming week.cause i've got alot of shits that i need to settle.haiz...

its Saturday,3rd October and im at home,blogging.depressing sia! hahah! i want to go out.just hang around.no need to fork out money.well,hungry?,eat at home before going out ah! haha! syafiq and farahdiyanah called me and asked me out "jalan raya" again.hmm...kinda lazy actually.but im bored at home.i do want to go out with them but.........i dont know la...ha! syafiq just called me and asked where am i.i said im at City Hall and he believe me! hahahah! "you've been con by the con-man,you con!!" AHAHA! "lu kena goreng beb!!". but hey!,i called him back and told him im just joking.unlike others *pointing fingers*.

ok.i've got nothing else to blog for now.so bubbye!!!!!!

L.T:are you the one to make me forget her?.cause you just might be my own "rebound" and i dont want to hurt you-Aziezah

am i seriously losing you?...

2009-09-28T21:47:00.000+08:00

stop the music at the Melody section...

if you really care,please play this video and let the song takes you on a journey.journey to my memory lane,where it all began,where it all happen,where all the truth is out and maybe where it all will end.maybe,it will end...... ):

L.T:and like a heart attack,i know i cant turn back...

whats love without you?

2009-09-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

dont give up kitty!! dont ever give up!! ^_^

Alot of things that i need to update on...

Hari Raya celebration was aweeeesooome!! haha.family,friends! everyone was great! this year like seriously,theres alot of people wearing purple colour.hmm.. funny thing is,im 20 years old and im an NSF,i still got some collections!!. :P well,i couldnt reject their offer.they force me to take it,so i accept it.haha! one of my uncles was like "You working?".and i answered "Yes.NS".and you know what? he laughed out loud at me."tak baik kan" and he said "nevermind.just take this". see lah.how am i suppose to say no.haiz...my frineds celebration was great too.we rent a lorry and drive around lion city till late night baby! like i said awesome! maybe when i have the time i upload some pics from my Hari Raya Celebration.....

watch the F1 Singapore Rocks just now and i feel jealous because i wasnt able to go there.of course ah! No Doubt and Beyonce is here in Singapore for godsake! watch their performance on TV just now and it was awesome.well i dont care about the race,like seriously :P. Gwen Stefani was uber super duper cool as usual.she sweats like hell and still she gave an excellent performance.Beyonce,no need to say.the word "unbelieveable" would be enough to describe it all.speaking about Beyonce,Lady Gaga just pops out of my mind.well,honestly,i dont like her.she look like a "slut".im sorry to use that word and im sorry to those who is a fan of her.im seriously sorry.i just dont like her style.her way of potrait-ing herself just makes me think of how cheap can a female be.but its not like im anti-lady gaga or what so ever.just not interested at looking at her,watching her videos and listening to her music.wait what does this got to do with todays post?.anyway....

my mom's birthday was on the 26th of September.my dad bought her the wrong cake.hahah! "isteri sendiri pun tak tau nak beli ape untuk die".hahaha! but its ok.i thought of buying her earings or necklace,but she kept saying no to me.haiz..she said its much better to save my money for future use like studying,buying a car and marriage. O_o! i hate it when she says about marriage.nevermind.

great movies are out one the month of September/October.movies like Phobia 2 and 500 Days of Summer.i want to watch this movies.anyone want to watch with me? ^_^.Phobia will be great as i love horror stories.hehe.500 Days of Summer will be beautiful for a date cause Zooey Deschanel is acting.hehe.shes pretty for godsake.look at her okaayy.

ouh yes.my 7 days are coming.haha.at least i got to celebrate my Hari Raya properly.hope my sir can fight for me and make the punishment a little bit reasonable.hahah!

right now,im not just blogging but im Tumblr too.thanks to shima she introduce this thing to me.its a bit similar to blog but its much easier and its super cool.for now some applications at Tumblr can make me confuse but hey,i will get use to it.so do come and visit my own Tumblr.just go to my "Benches" section and click on Amee Tumblr.have fun aye mate!

i guess thats all i have to update on.ouh.update on my status.not relationship status la! im still single and not desperate like some fuckers out there!!.status on how im coping with my life......

well everything is fine.the same i should say.my life is dull like usual.of course theres some ups and downs.hey,i've meet some new friends and im loving it.but i just want to say this "Life without you is empty.sometimes it hurts missing you.forgetting you is not what i want.i guess im no one here.but hey,im still here waiting.im not going anywhere.cause i have the heart of not giving up.maybe its useless.but,like i used to say,its worth it.so i shall hide somewhere and wait." ok.shut up.say no more.

need to sleep rockstars! anything just dial me up kaaayyy.

lalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaa!

L.T:whats life without....?

lost

2009-09-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

Well this is few days before Hari Raya.i went out with my irritating twin cousins.hahah! we break fast together at New Hawa.then we went to The Cathay to have our dessert at Ben & Jerry's.we had tons of fun.hahaha! kakak daya with the so-called "bangs hairstye".hahah! her fringed grow so fast.and she kept asking me about her "bangs" whether is it nice or not.irritating.well there are some disadvantages of having a twin as your own cousin.nevermind.if you have,you will understand.

anyway,i will update anytime soon on my family Hari Raya celebration...

other than that, SELAMAT HARI RAYA kawan-kawan,sahabat,musuh..musuh??!!.hahah! maaf zahir dan batin. stay ROCK!! \m/ !!

me & Raihidaya(Daya)

left is Daya,right is Raihidayu(Dayu)

cool effects..

Dayu & Me

awwww..she hug me.. :D its a big deal! so what!?

cousins forever!!

hmmm...

muackz...

hahaha...

L.T:im sooooooo lost right now...seriously....haiz...

fickle minded will always be fickle minded...

2009-09-19T03:46:00.000+08:00

I LOVE KATE NASH♥....hehe :P

it would be nice if she have a flower✿ on her head like Colbie Cailat♥.

hold on a second.where am i going to put her? how about Katy Perry♥?.then Zooey Deschanel♥,how?.how about the cute,pretty Hailey Williams♥?.where am i going to put them?.hmmmmm.....

as though they are my girlfriends?! pfft! anyway,if i were to have any them as my girl,wouldnt my life be colourful.HAHAHA! dream on,you asshole!!

dont take this post too seriously.just part of my dreams.heeeee! :P

L.T:one day,one bullet,shot through my chest....

huh?

2009-09-18T05:05:00.000+08:00

I LOVE ALL THE SONGS ON MY BLOG...... :D

L.T:my heart is getting stronger,everytime it gets hurt....

love.destiny.patience

2009-09-17T19:41:00.001+08:00

On the 14th of September,Farahdiyanah and I went to Tampines Sports Hall to support Syafiq's floorball team."biaserlah,takkan matair sendiri tak nak support kan?".Thought it might give them some encouragement to win but it turns out the other way round.HAHAHA! they lost.nevermind,long story.Zulkarnain then came along.then we went to KFC to have our break fast and we had LOTS OF LAUGHTER over there.hehehe :D

after that went to Admiralty Park to have our cam-whore session.hahaha! and a battalion of ants attacked us with their artillery,amour,commandos,guardsman.surprisingly,no air-force.actually,thank god theres no air-force!.HAHA! wish i had a the SAR21 with me and i shoot every single one of them down.chey! sounds like im patriotic but you all should know me.some pictures to show you all okaaayy. 1....2.....3......GO!

zul star-"karat"...

ah ni pun lagi satu star karat..kalau bermuscle macam aku tkper..

nak step cute pulak...

anak saper ni??!!....handsome! :D

awwwww...Singaporean Sweethearts..hahah!

bismillah.....

abang-abang berg ah!

yang kat belakang tu macam ader sikit sibuk..hehe :P

L.T:i have no sense of direction anymore...

maybe i've been the problem...

2009-09-16T04:58:00.000+08:00

rose saves my life...

It's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone.

you get mad at yourself for not saying,

the things you could've a million times, you take for granted the days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them.

Anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives,

but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before..

Sometimes in love you must accept the fact that what makes the person you cared about happy might on the other hand leave you so lonely.

Which i cant.....

To love somebody

who doesn't love you,Is like going to a temple

And worshipping the behind

Of a wooden statue ...Of a hungry devil.

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you.On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you..

You'll never understand why I hurt so much

because you're not the one who is crying,you're not the one who is left behind,you're not the one who loved too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone...

I could never regret loving you because even if you didn't love me anymore, I know that you once did and that is the most wonderful feeling because I never thought that I deserved your love...

No matter how much it'll hurt me to see you, my most loved lost one, all that I wish is look into your eyes once again.

maybe..in the future..

L.T:i keep telling myself lifes to short to cry over u.

that lifes too short to hold on to u.

but life is too long to be without u............

what a night...

2009-09-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

What a Night??!!..on Saturday,12 September 2009,is the Bravo Buke Gathering.we had tons of fun.super uber duper fun!!!

like i said,we rent a lorry for us to travel from one place to another.i met nizam at Causeway Point,since there is where they fetch us.from there we went off to Eighteen Chefs at Eastpoint.reached there,and more people joined us,with their own transports like cars and motorbikes.hahaha!.most of the tables were reserved for us.thanks to Dzulizhar's girlfriend.shes the one who reserved for us.its like the whole place was ours.hahah! we roamed the restaurant.we had our "late" buke cause we ordered the foods late.ordering food can be very difficult if theres alot of people around.confusing! and at last i get to meet and carry Baby Diyanah,Naeem's Daughter.shes soooooo cuuuuuuuuute with her big eyes O.O! and i got a gift from her.she puked at my sweater.but hey,babies vomit is not that smelly.hahahah! for that i got a new nickname from the guys,"Boy Muntah". hahahaha! after that we went off to Tampines Mart to buy *fshuhegsuhiuhei*.something illegal.hehe! then after that we went off to Tampines SAFRA for bowling.we booked 2 lanes and played like hell!! well,i really suck at first but then i caught up with the others. heeee! :D "biaser jugak ader nak step pro". we played from 2200hrs till 0200hrs.we played 4 hours and spent about $103++ altogether.from there we went off to Changi Village to top-up our stomach with foods.they purposely drive around the carpark where theres alot of bapoks around,since they know that im a homophobic.hmpf! fucker much! then we went to chill at Changi Beach.at about 0330hrs,we started to make our way back home.....

well i guess pictures will tell the whole story..so just scroll down and enjoy the moments.hahah! as if you were there....

handsome lah sey

the cool brothers...

hungry??

mmmmmmmm.......

muackz....

ready,get set,EAT!!

blurrr!!!

awwww...shes shy...like me :D

look at her cute eyes and chubby cheeks....awwww...Baby Diyanah melts me..

all the way...

DRZ lah sey

The Bravo Family

I suck...seriously

Peace aye....

The Brothers of Bravo...

L.T:ya allah,ampunilah dosa-dosa ku..ku tidak dapat bertahan lagi.. ):

An atomic bomb...

2009-09-12T14:36:00.000+08:00

i've got this childish story to tell.hahaha.it happened yesterday in camp...

as you know it,my course is about repairing some engines stuff.so my instructor trusted me on doing some "improvising" on the engine of the vehicle since im the only one in my group who has class 3 & 4 license.military license to be exact.anyway,after doing some shits to the engine,me and my two other friends,who doesnt have license went up.i started the engine and teach them some new stuff that they dont know.my instructor is kinda slack,so he expects me to teach my two friends.hahaha! i can become an instructor.so after that,i switch off the engine.suddenly,there this beep sound came out from nowhere.i was like "hmmm..this is weird".the sound goes like *beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*.my friends and i stared at each other.one of my friend,imran said "it sounds like a bomb!".i ignore him and said "this is weird..i've never experience this before." suddenly,the sound goes *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*.we looked at each other with that "holy crap" face."mata semua terbeliak gang" and i shouted "NOOOO!! get out of the vehicle" me and my friend jumped out.We JUMPED you know.WE JUMPED!!.our bodies hit the floor like we've been choke slam at the same time.imran was shouting "its going to blow,its going to blow!!" people from other group just stared at us.and we were like on the floor,covering our heads.then my instructor came and asked "what the hell is wrong with you guys?" i looked up at him and said nothing.i begin to think that what are we doing now is crap.so i stood up and told everything to him.funny thing is imran was still on the floor shouting "its going to blow,its going to blow.".the instructor went up to the vehicle,press some buttons and "vwuala" the *beep* sound is gone.come to think of it,our reaction was ver funny and idiotic.immature i should say.but hey,we had alot of laughs after that.

anyway,later im going out with my bunkmates to "buke" outside.maybe at bugis.they rent a 10 feet long lorry f.y.i.how big is that?.but who cares.after that we are going geylang and then maybe bowling at i dont know where.now today is going to be my first day at geylang to shop around bazaar since last year.hahaha! its been a long time.we're going to stay up till next morning.so if theres anything just dial me up okaaaay sayang.love you all!

L.T:how do we get here....i used to know you so well

guilty conscience...

2009-09-12T05:00:00.000+08:00

I wonder why some people just don't have that guilty conscience in them even after what they did to others.
Where goes the slightest sympathy that they used to have.
They did not do the same thing when it is other people that they do it onto.
Oh! Or they just don't care because that person does not mean a thing in their life but it's the other way round for that poor person.

You are just hoping for something that needs miracle for it to happen

how horrible it feels to see people around you being happy. No matter how hard you try to be sharing their joy, you know that deep inside you, you envied them.
You know that you too are supposed to be like them. Being happy with the one you love but you are just wondering why aren’t you moving on?

Why can’t your heart be opened to someone else?

Why why why???
:credits-accuratedimple

L.T:im searching for the conclusion....

its hard my friend...

2009-09-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

Rose as her hair... :D

"this is where you need to move on" words from a friend of mine..

have you ever been in a situation like mine? well i do admit my problems are stupid.even a 16 year old would say "merepeknye kau ni..!!" hahaha! haiz...."nak step mature pulak.kalau dah tak ada duit,mintak sape? mak bapak jugak kan?" anyway,thats not the problem.moving on.how easy can it get for you guys to move on?.well maybe you all have experience in all this kind of shit.i shall respect you all! or maybe.just maybe,you have not met someone whos not worth losing?.not worth forgetting.or youre just playing around with relationships?.ok right now im pointing fingers at some of you.....

nevermind about that.sometimes you feel pissed off at everybody just because you saw your friends got hurt by someone they truly love.and i got more pissed off as i can relate it to my own problems.but hey,theres no use getting all angry.its going to worsen the situation.

where are all the promises they said to you?.where are the love they have with you?.where are all the caring they've shown you?.all disappear,just like that.just because theres someone better in their lives,suddenly pop out of nowhere and they dumped you just like that.so every word they said to you are like dust.your own words that you really mean it are nothing to them.you're just another sweet talk motherfucker to them.so are you wasting your every breath and your lovely words to them? do you all have ever thought of that? haiz....

i just dont understand how love works nowadays.people are making love complicated.people are twisting and turning the meaning of love into something that is not.people are taking love very lightly nowadays.they use love just to satisfy them.they use love just to make them feel happy.but until when will that happiness last.they want love just to show people around that they are being cared for.they want love for money.they want love just to be famous.they want love because they dont want to get left out.so you think "your love" is sincere?.

boys and girls.all the same.they have choices.they have "names on their list" if you know what i mean.like "hey,this person seems to be very cute.ok.i shall put him/her in my lovelist.hey this person seems to make me feel good everyday.he/she is going to be on my list." they have their own list.do you believe me? if list no.1 is not good enough,he/she will go to no.2 and so on.so is this what you call love? or is this what you call date?.funny how people finding their "the one" like that. like i said im pointing fingers at some of you.so if you "terasa" then i guess too bad,its time for you to change.

i post about this because,im sick and tired of seeing my friends,my lovely friends get dumped for no good reason.they showed you the love you want and suddenly someone you refered to as "more special" just came into your life,my friends you throw them into the drain.so please,change yourself.especially boys!

L.T:nothing to do with me....

sebuah kisah klasik...

2009-09-11T07:18:00.000+08:00

Jabat tangan ku, mungkin untuk yang terakhir kali.

Kita ber-bincang, tentang memori di masa itu..

Peluk tubuhku, usapkan juga air mataku..

Kita terharu, seakan tiada bertemu lagi..

Bersenang-senanglah,kerana hari ini akan kita rindukan,

di hari nanti,sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan....

Bersenang-senanglah,kerana waktu ini akan kita banggakan,di hari tua....

Sampai jumpa kawanku..

Semoga kita selalu..

Menjadi sebuah kisah klasik, untuk masa depan..

Bersenang-senanglah,

kerana hari ini akan kita rindukan,di hari nanti..

Mungkin diriku, masih ingin bersama kalian..

Mungkin jiwaku, masih haus sanjungan kalian..

L.T:im drown with my own tears...

sunflowers are my loves...

2009-09-11T05:48:00.000+08:00

do you believe in putting the past behind?

i once asked someone this =)

gladly, that person answered yes.what if the answer was no? i'll start being paranoid.it's really going to be a nightmare.

i believe in putting past behind.i mean, its the past for god sake.cause if you truly love someone, you should be able to accept his/her flaws.why not just start everything afresh.you guys know each others feeling

though forgiveness does not change the past, it enlarge the future..your future..or

if you are still not accepted because of your past,that person aren't meant for you dear...

:credits-accuratedimple

L.T:you are so high up in the sky..

and im below here on earth thinking about the mistakes i've done..

looking up at you so high..

back to square one...

2009-09-11T04:54:00.000+08:00

Rose is a part of me......

yesterday,i went out with shah,zulkarnain and his bro zully.and i guess we had alot fun.miss them so much.its been a long time....

have you ever felt happy to see your friends even though actually you're not?.well you've got your own personal problems and when you're with your friends,that problem just fade away.you felt good.happy,excited.its like your friends are temporarily a cure to your problems.

that is how i felt when im with them....always.....

i suddenly realised that "Hey,i dont need a girlfriend to be happy.my friends are here for me." seeing my friends with their loved ones,girlfriend,boyfriend,dates and so on,being so happy together,is already enough for me to be happy too.well,its even better if im with my love one,everything will be perfect.but friends are good enough for me.seeing,example,syafiq and farahdee together(takmu malu eh).like everytime when im with them,its different you know.you forget about every single problem you have.i can laugh out loud like theres no tomorrow.seeing them together will be fun as you can learn alot of things about how relationship works.works in a funny way,i should say.hahahah! but the main thing is that,you feel "nearly complete" to see them together.stella and syarhan another perfect example! another funny couple.funny to the hardcore if you know what i mean.seeing them together is as though,you dont need a girlfriend to be happy.but what i said,i dont really mean it.i do need a girlfriend one day.hahaha! anyway,the important thing is how happy you are to see them together.but hey,not only couples.even friends who are singles can make your day....

shah is one best friend,i've met.he is like my emo-buddy if you know what i mean.does it sound gay? NO!.who cares?!!.i shared alot of problems with him and he got alot of solutions.have i ever cried infront of you.oh ya i did.when i want to go USA.hahah! old story.being with shah,even though its just the both of us is already good.i always had alot of things to talk about with him.same goes to him.and i guess we had fun yesterday.then zulkarnain tag along.he is my secondary school classmate.7 years of knowing each other.isnt that good enough to be a best friend?.he is like my "backstabber friend" if you know what i mean.we always talk about people who we hate.its like we really hate them and we talk bad about them like hell.hahaha! bad huh? zulkarnain can also be my "town friend".like if i want to go town,zul will always be there.

anyway,like i said thats not important.important is how you realised that gf/bf relationship is not the only thing that can complete your life.you need to have friends too.someone said this to me about being love and moving on.he said "the world doesnt revolve around her." and i was like speechless after that.i was lost.i cried after that.its like i've got no one to make my life complete,colourful.everything will just go dull.but suddenly i realised that,my friends are always there for me.why do i need to be so sad about it?.well i should have realised this earlier and everything will be in place.but still,wouldnt it be better to see yourself with your someone special being happy together with you and your friends? well,maybe we cant have everything in life.

L.T:maybe i cant stand it anymore,but i know i must be strong..
no more getting all weak here...

im no one

2009-09-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting."

i was slacking around in my dark house when i started thinking about people making mistakes, fights among couples, misunderstanding, what will happen if i have a gf and we get into a big fight?.
they say, a relationship will be very dull if there's no ups and downs.
i think so too.
by this doesn't mean im gonna purposely pick up a fight with my gf to strengthen our relationship.
hahh!!
bodoh!

afterall, mistakes is a stepping stone.
i once knew a couple, of the same school, who fight almost everyday and after entering tertiary level, they went separate school.
and when i ask the girl 'how are u feeling now? different school already'
she replied 'very boring uh. last time we always fight and quarrel and now like no fight, no more sparks'
and now they aren't together already.
so how?
will it be better with or without fight?

from what i feel, those who often fight, may want to end all conflicts and be happy. while those who are happy, may want to, once awhile, have dispute to experience how they'll face it.

for me, conflicts can be one good way to bring your relationship closer.but hey,dont go around asking for conflicts.just think positive when it comes to this.

the key is, realising your mistake and quickly seek forgiveness.
then..
DO NOT repeat it.
:credits-accuratedimple

L.T:may i prove to you how beautiful,lovely,elegant and fascinating you are?..

when it comes this...

2009-09-10T05:04:00.000+08:00

look have you ever been in a situation where,you get pissed off about something with someone and you just let it out to him/her?.maybe your own friends or to someone special.and by doing this it may just worsen the situation.and suddenly you realised that,you are just over-reacting.whatsmore you repeated the same mistake again.

before this,you've promise to the other party that you wont do it again but you still tend to do it.you think they will trust you if you were to ask for forgiveness AGAIN?.you doubt so right.but what if,you were really sorry about it?.you even swear that you wont repeat again and told him/her that you're sincere about it.you make another promise,saying that if you repeat it again,you will face the consequences.losing a friendship/relationship.you think he/she will accept?

whatsmore,it wasnt your fault.its just a stupid misunderstanding.is it worth apologising,begging for forgiveness? is it worth promising? is it worth sacrificing just to save the friendship/relationship?.

maybe yes.maybe no.but dont you think its worth trying?

trying for another round.trying your best.not to give up.but to stand up and say "hey,its worth going for another try." even though,no matter how may times you fall,you still have to stand up and go for it.even though you're beaten up like hell,"bleeding" all over,you still have to stand up and move forward.you cant just lie down there and wait for a miracle to happen right.you must do something about it.everytime you fall,you have pick yourself up and try again.

:Amee

L.T:I will never give up..get that in your brain..

love is patience...

2009-09-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.
i really feel appreciated when i figured it out..
feeling myself being thought of every moment.
cared for.
there maybe no doubts you of them and they never tell.
but finding it out by yourself is really gratifying.
*blushing*

:accuratedimple

L.T:you lose not by loving,you lose by holding back.. )'=

if i can use somebody....

2009-09-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

guys and gals..you got to listen to this song that Paramore covered.its by Kings of Leon-Use Somebody.yep.i got that song at my Melody section.but this time Paramore covered it.Im so in love with Haley William's voice.ok.i've got to admit it ah.im in love with Haley Williams too.hahaha! shes 18 beb! you see lah.whats up with me and 18 year old girls!!??. anyway,thats not important.i just want you all to do this with me.Close your eyes and listen to the song.let the song take over you.take over your "world".this is song very meaningful to me.hope you all understand...........

L.T:someone like you...... (:

for my daisy....

2009-09-09T05:04:00.000+08:00

I ran up the door, opened the stairs,said my pajamas and put on my prayers -turned off my bed, tumbled into my light,and all because he/she kissed me good-night!

ever gt this feeling after meeting your love?hee..

when you couldn't think straight.reminiscing the memories you had with him/her for the day while smiling and blushing all by yourself..cant' stop thinking of him/her,can you..You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

am i right???haha..if im wrong..it's my own point of view ..you have yours to discern.

-credits:accuratedimple.

L.T:never want to let go...

looooooong post

2009-09-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

Okay.this is going to be a long post.theres alot of things i want to share with ya guys.hahaha! in order to make me think and type better,i have an orange juice beside me.heeeeeee!! :D anyway,the post below is just a motivational kind of thingy.well if i cannot help myself,why not start on helping others who are in need.right? by the way thanks to farah for this.ok,i shall start now......

in camp just now was so the depressing.it was my first day for the course.course about repairing engines and stuff.so i went there looking sooooo noob,if you know what i mean? i start up the course with something that makes me confused.im lost beb! the instructor started to teach on something i dont understand at all.even though i asked he will be like "its ok.its your first day today.so take your time to understand." but the problem is,while he was teaching,my mind was somewhere else.you guys should understand.problems i have.haiz...kept thinking of it.i just couldnt concerntrate.funny thing is my mind still can accept some information that was given by the instructor but it doesnt make any sense."Generator,swimming pool!" huh?? how can that relate?."coolent,hot air,balloon" these words can relate to hot-air balloon but what does it got to do with engines?.my mind is sooo somewhere else.until the instructor asked me "what is the coolent for?" i was taken by surprise and just answered "cool the air".he shout "COOL THE AIR,YOUR COCK!!" i was like "huh??.what?.im wrong?" my friends all laughed at me.haiz...im fasting and the instructor said like that to me.nevermind."cubaan".enough with army stuff!

just now,went out with syafiq and farah.i was late because i need to pray after "buke".solat maghrib.syafiq then called and he said he's outside my house staircase with farah waiting for me.i was like rushing to changed.met them and they said they want to take the bus to somewhere to alter some "baju kurung".inside the bus,i sat at the back and those two sweetheart were at the front.i felt so lonely and i called both of them to come to the back.suddenly i heard syafiq laughed.he laughed very loud f.y.i.i was like "what the hell is wrong with him?!".he called me to join them.so i went there,and syafiq said "ko tengok farah.tengah kire duit coins,nak beli rokok." i turned to farah and saw her counting all those 20cents,50cents coins and we laughed.i took out my wallet and i had alot of 5cents coins,so why not help her out to buy her cigarettes.i was like "ko nak 5cents coins ni semua?" she laughed and she let out her hand.HAHAHAHAHA! she still wants it.three of us were like laughing our pants off.see how desperate can a smoker be?.hahaha.hey!im not pointing fingers at anybody okaaay.hahaha! anyway,when to collect farah's baju kurung and went off to sun plaza.on the way,farah and i was like tact team together just to argue/quarrel/bully syafiq.hahah! "kesianlah matair kau tu." but its fun.yeah! farah can be a good tact team player! inside joke...syafiq understand,understood eh? reached sun plaza and i was hungry for vanilla ice cream cone from mcdonalds.farah treat me a vanilla cone.thanks alot! so i went to buy for her a vanilla cone also.and we shared among ourselves.well farah and syafiq shared but not me.i wanted to share with syafiq but syafiq says he can share with farah.hmmm...at least i can enjoy my ice cream all by myself.hehe! we enjoyed our ice cream while waiting for the bus.sending farah back home.on the way back.....

farah told me about this competition on photo-taking.my eyes "glowed" when i heard that.the first prize will get $500 beb! im soooo the interested.and im soooo going to join.there are three themes to the competition "Virtue/Harmony/Sacrifice" cool huh.the photo must be related to any one of the themes.syafiq and i got alot of ideas already in our mind.thanks to farah.she gave some ideas too.but the problem is i have a "budget camera" if you know what i mean? i need a DSLR.seriously.but i believe a good,or should i say a professional photographer doesnt only need a DSLR to take a beatiful picture.any kind of camera will do.well,that is my way of thinking.but i prefer DSLR lah! hahaha! if anyone of you are interested you can go to rtye2.blogspot.com.nevermind.i will link them up later.anyway,thats all for today.maybe later i will update again.anytime soon......... bye bebs!

L.T:shall we compare our hearts to a garden..

with beautiful blooms,straggling weeds..

sweeping birds and sunshine rain..

and most importantly-seeds..

-credits-accuratedimple

never seems to end...

2009-09-08T18:28:00.000+08:00

If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

that's how I'm feeling right now.afraid of getting angry at my love and exposing the other side of me. which can turn out to be real ugly.think...getting angry too often may turn out bad though you know you have the right to be.your loved ones start getting sick of apologizing and you showing your tantrum.by right, they should

but by left, they may just end up leaving you.
oh! am i thinking too far about this?ahahha..He/she who angers you conquers you,you've conquer me lovely..

:once again thanks to farahdiyanah for this.

this is not just for me..it is ALSO for THOSE who are in LOVE and AFRAID of LOSING somebody..

if i cant help myself,doesnt mean i cant help somebody else..

L.T:its.getting.deeper.the.only.way.is.to.help.others.in.order.to.pick.myself.up.

never underestimate my love...

2009-09-08T05:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night went out to meet syafiq.after terawih we just chill around under the void deck.at last i get to meet him since how many weeks,i dont know.

as usual,we talked about life and everything.planned on an outing.on when are we going to celebrate Hari Raya together.then Irsyad Telor came by.and its been very long since the last time i met him.talked about his school and stuff.hahaha! he's still schooling at ITE Simei.miss Simei sooooo much.i dont know what i miss about Simei.anyway,we chill till 2230hrs and went back home.haiz.....

syafiq told me that he is quiting his job,if you know which job im talking about.i was like "serious? why?". he said he is lazy.hmmm...how am i suppose to continue without him?. he is the one who introduce this job to me and he quits.his upline called him up yesterday and he didnt picked up.im not blaming on him about quiting but i cant continue without him.i just couldnt be in that kind of working environment without syafiq,since he knows what is happening.its not that im not independent but theres no "tangkis" if you know what i mean?.hahaha! nevermind.syafiq will undertsand if he read this.if he quits,then i shall disappear.well,ms yvonne stop calling me since i dont know when.so i guess i will settle some things first and then i go off.

now the time is 0522hrs.haiz...i knew this would come.this thing will come one day and it really came.i've said bad things and i pretty much angry at myself about me saying those things.stupid asshole.whats the use of getting all guilty about it when the words i said already came out.right now i dont really know whether i really meant about all those things i said.i wish im still in USA!! and this thing would never happened.maybe the other party things the same too.i dont know.this is getting on my nerves and my headache is coming back.awwww crap.how i wish that i didnt even tell her how much i love her.maybe i can just keep that feeling to myself longer than i expected.how i wish that i just could treat her as a friend and everything will be normal.how i wish i didnt get so fucking jealous about it.everything will be fine.how i wish that i dont have a blog to say things out about love.everything wont be out that easily.how i wish i could just ADMIRE her quietly even without people,friends knowing it.how i wish that i wont get to sensitive about small things.and there wont be any arguments.just fuck it la...theres no turning back asshole! you've made the wrong move fucker.all you need is just a little jealousy and some over reacting to it and poooof! you get pissed off again.you've ruined it ameerul!! stupid asshole! arrrrggggh! i need to kill myself for doing this.oh no.you already kill yourself by doing this.she doesnt care about you anymore.she gave up on you.you remeber that part??!!.huh??.thats it.i.....im ashame of myself!! i hate myself!! i give up on myself.no use hoping and praying for things that wont be happening,ANYMORE......

L.T:Every tear drops is worth the pain....

fireworks above

2009-09-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

Maybe you don't like your job, maybe you didn't get enough sleep, well nobody likes their job, nobody got enough sleep. Maybe you just had the worst day of your life, but you know, there's no escape, there's no excuse, so just suck up and be nice.

above is just a quote..

ever realise the 'irritattingness' of excuses??the fact that one knows that he/she has done a mistake and starts making up stories when confronted.how difficult is it to say sorry after knowing your blunder?how phoney or maybe one was just being egoist.

annoying.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

:-this is from farahdiyanah..thanks farah.

L.T:i've got a microchip planted on my heart..

if i were to run away,robots will blow me apart..

whatever happens just let it be...

2009-09-07T19:50:00.000+08:00

me & Nisa

Today was kinda relaxing day for me.Rough start with the day but everythings fine after that.

I was suppose to be in camp near my house by 0750hrs but the problem is my boots were left at my bunk at my own camp.so in order not to be late or get fucked for nothing,i went to my camp,from sembawang to yew tee.just for the boots.reached camp,took my boots and the time was 0950hrs.ouh crap! im very late.so i planned to report sick.take MC.again! hahaha! so on the way out from my camp,my commander caught with me.He said "hey,you suppose to be in sembawang camp!.you're late!".and i replied "i know but i left my boots here.so im fucked up!".he said "hmmm..you're not to be blame.you were informed last minute.nevermind.i send you there since im going there too.".hahahaha! "naik kereta gang!" so he send me to sembawang camp and WE GOT LOST! for godsake we got lost in Singapore! my sir took the wrong exit and he was depending on me to show him the way."Ah kau.sampai ke causeway point pulak.cuci mata sekali ah.tu ape yang sir aku cakap.aku tak leh.puasa gang." so we took a longer time than usual to reach sembawang.but during the journey we talked about life an everything.so not that awkward to be with my sir in a car.and did i say he nearly hit an auntie riding a bicycle?.well he nearly did.and i said not shout "sir.......theres an auntie riding a bicycle.be careful!" and he was like "nah bei chee bai!!".hahaha. "batal puasa aku dengar die cakap gitu."

reached sembawang.he sent me to my house and then he left.well im late,so i went to yishun ployclinic to have my MC.i said to the doctor that i got a very bad cough.and its true beb.i coughed like an old dude."dude tau,not man".he asked whether i smoked or not.and i said yes.hey im officially a smoker! and he said its just an update on my status.so he checked on me and he said "sir,you've got throat and lung infection..your throat especially is very swollen.you have to cut down on the smoke.how much do you smoke?" well i told him its fasting month and im cutting down.then he said about giving me this medicine,that medicine,who cares.its a drug! just eat it.hahaha! and i thought i can have only 1 day MC but he gave me 2 days.whoa! that isnt what i expected.hahah! so i took my MC went down and i saw................

I saw Nisa! "mak oi.dah macam mak orang!" she was with her mom and Nisa was holding a BABY!! awwwww...i didnt asked whos baby is it but the baby is soooo cute! Nisa was like "Sakit ke merul?." and her smiles was so the sarcastic.anyway,Nisa looked kinda sick nowadays.she used to look so active and happy.well i dont know why.i just dont want to get involve.kinda miss her actually.nevermind.maybe i'll meet her after solat terawih.since the mosque is nearby.

ok thats it.im off to meet syafiq and then go solat.theres more to update but maybe later lah.choa! chin chow! mmmmm......nice!

L.T:this is for me: "sometimes you have to give up on the things you want the most"
awwww...... :(

it all ends here...

2009-09-07T06:45:00.000+08:00

dont you get it..i couldnt to that.i just couldnt do that.what more can i say?.if i were to tell the whole story,it would be like the same old story that ameerul have been telling.all over again.its the same.the reason is all the same.this is making me more headache.panadol its not helping at all.

look im the biggest mistake.i can be an accident.maybe im the one who is to be blame for all this.but i cannot do that.even though it may seem easy by just deleting any form of communication with.... i still cannot do it.urrrrgggh! whats the point of explaining when nobody believes me.you think you would believe me after what i've done.NO! of course not.im like taking back all my words.how am i suppose to prove it now?.theres no way i could do it.haiz...i dont know laaaaaa..... im damn confuse now...its like "here we go again"..but no turning back this time asshole!.tsk! this headache is killing me.im a whimp la....

enough!! i need to go out! told ya this ramadhan theres going to be alot of tough times.

L.T:taking back what is out...

hey

2009-09-07T01:07:00.000+08:00

HEEEEEYYYYYY!!!! no "7 days" its going to be postponed.hahaha.assholes! seems my prayers have been answered.heheh.im going on a course for two weeks i guess.and i get to go back everyday.hahaha! ok thats all ah.kinda sleepy guys.weeeeeee!!!!!!......

L.T:here we go again.....

a few more hours to go....

2009-09-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

a few more hours to go beb! awwwwww...nevermind.i'll be fine.they wont do anything to you.they just going let you rot.rot as much as how serious the mistake that causes me this.IM GOING TO GET CHARGED! im a bad soldier! damn! adds on to the stress im having right now.is my LCP rank going to get affected?.hahaha! stupid question.sialah."7 days".no family.no friends.no contact with the world outside.headache is coming back again.panadol is not helping.smoke?

hey,talking about smoke,im not that heavy smoker right now.well fasting can help you quit.but it takes time.sometime,1 day or should i say 1 night,only 2 stick.whoa!.i used to finished 1 box in 2 days beb.but now i can control.well i guess fasting month is the time where you can try to quit smoking.yeah.try.well not quit but at least try to cut down the intakes of tobaccos in your body.

i blog alot than usual.well cause for "7 days" i dont get to blog or update.i can assure you that "7 days" is going to be a boring one.boredom can be fatal.believe me guys.first,you will get all restless,then start to walk around finding for things to entertain you,then when it is in a "danger state",you might just jump out of the window.maybe fatal or just some major injuries.hahaha! "sakit aje hati aku ni,bile aku dengar aku kena charged.kalau aku kena charged pasal aku kena accident takper.ni pasal benda bodoh!" i've been spending my whole day today in my room.i pity my parents.haiz..if only they understand.you've been punished severely for something stupid.something that its not serious at all.only the higher ranks motherfuckers are the one who make it look so serious.how would you feel?.feel like punching somebody you know.feel like you need to let your anger out on somebody.you dont even care whether he/she is innocent or not.thats how i feel mate.i guess im having my period.HAHAHAHA! that is sooooo gay!

and now my parents wants to go geylang.NOOOOO! *sob*sob* another weekend gone to waste.haiz..i have to stay at home.taking care of my sis.Nurfathin Ameera please get well soon.abang "7 days" cant see you at all.please get well soon okaayy.dont make me get all worried.

and to you.whats the point of saying sorry without knowing whats your mistake? you dont even know why im like this at the first place.you dont even know what are we arguing about.well,all you do is running away from this.and you want me to stop before you get pissed off?.told ya.egoistic.so your apologise its kinda wasted.well,actually theres nothing wrong with me.theres something wrong with YOU.not me.you are the one who asked first about avoiding.it wasnt me.i thought you are the one whos avoiding.and now you're sorry about everything.i doubt you know your mistake.and we are fighting?.we are?.i didnt know that.you can get all pissed off as you like it.and i dont know what are you pissed off about.but anyway,i know you dont want to talk about it.so erm let just forget about this and,go on chasing for what you've been desire all this time.just forget about me.cause im not important.

okay.i've said enough.actually theres more la but i dont want to make things more complicated.i shall update anytime later.told ya.i have to update alot before going for the "7 days".

L.T:letting you know that "I LOVE YOU" was a mistake!!

who am i?

2009-09-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the day.have to face it like a man.face it alone."7 days" gang.what can go wrong?.anyway im sick of this fucking tension!.i hate it when it comes to this.haiz..all you got to do is to act as though everything is fine.hey,im fine here.my life has been great.and erm...this few weeks havent been going out that much with friends because of this NS shit.hmmm...oh no.i cannot act.im not good at acting when it comes to my limitation.

i feel so restless beb."7 days" in camp.havent told my parents yet.tsk! some problems not settle yet.now my sister is sick.kinda worried.i know shes recovering but still im worried.forget about the last post.actually there are more to that post.i decided not to post it up cause it may cause more tension.something about "memperbahasakan orang" but its ok.cause the person is so egoistic.so theres no use in arguing about it.it will never end.erm....im having headaches.so much pain.urrrgggh! thinking too much la idiot! after buke,panadol it will be.i hope panadol works.i thought of going out with syafiq and farahdiyanah just now.syafiq is having a floorball match at tampines.maybe i should support him but he will be having his buke at geylang.so i decide to stay at home.i've been staring at this laptop for hours now.ouh! some of my bunkmates are going Wallaby.that is at Australia.so i guess im alone again.but nevermind.next trip will be New Zealand.now that is where i want to go.so im chasing my commanders about me going New Zealand.have to go beb.USA dah dapat singgah,New Zealand pun mesti jejak.betul tak sayang?.haha!just now my bunkmates were like "hey,merul later on october you will be alone again.this is sad beb".i said "i know beb.everything we do,every single shit we face,we all face it and do it together,but later you guys will be going Wallaby without me.its ok." Nazreen especially was like "dont say that beb.we've face alot together.i feel like crying beb!" and i said "Wei.for godsake its still september.relax beb.theres no need to be sad now.besides why should you be sad.its Wallaby!!" he said "i know but you,all alone,with the problems you have,you shared with me,its hard for me to just leave you just like that.i pity you bro". hahahaha! i was shocked when he said that.its like how caring can a friend,a bunkmate be.then i replied "alaaaa.its ok.one day,it will settle.i think its about time i to have solve it all by myself.right?" he said yes.but he still has that pity-ness for me.he just couldnt left me alone.its not a gay kind of thing.but its like if we were to have problems we will be like sharing and try to solve it together.even if we had jobs to do,we do it together.but now we are apart.so i guess it really has a little bit impact on us.we are like brothers you know.then i said "gang,far from sight but close to the heart right?.awwwww come on only just for few months.after that you going to see me again :D " and he replied in malay "aku tau ah.tapi aku tak sampai hati nak tinggalkan kau tau.aku tengok kau kesian gang sorang dengan problem yang tak akan selesainyer.aku kesiankan kau." i replied "come on ah.i can face it by myself lah.i'll be fine okaaay.no need to worry about me.if theres anything i call you up from there." and everything was normal.good thing theres no flood,if you know what i mean?.then just now my bunkmates with nazreen have to go for some short course and they were like saying goodbye to me.and i felt left out.felt hollow.as if there were really going leave me all alone here in Singapore.nah! to early to have that kind of feeling.

so im here waiting for the time to buke.hmmm...thinking right now.with my hand on my cheeks.thinking.imagining.daydreaming.memorizing.making sandcastles on the clouds.

L.T:you are lucky i've still got some heart...
if not i'll be breaking hearts like how my heart is being broken..

hate tag..

2009-09-06T10:42:00.000+08:00

Hey,thanks Zeee for hating tag me.i appreciate it.at least somebody cares about my post.i hope you can come again and hate tag again! seriously,im not being sarcastic here.unlike some people who privatise their blog,just to either block from some sickos,stalkers or people like you.but i appreciate people like you.i hope one day i can get to know you.

anyway,duty in camp was okay.nothing much to say.got bored and fed up of things,so i took a piece of paper and a pen and drew,write some things that i always wanted to let out.i usually do this when i feel bored or down.a few people may get involve in this paper.but theres particular person.all about this person.urrrgggh! just take a look at it and try to read it.

pretty emo right....

this is how feel...instead of blogging it,i rather let it out on paper..

the circle of friendship,i guess...

seriously,i feel like just giving up.not giving up on love but giving up on caring for someone.Im done.my "7 days" are coming.have fun!

left alone to hurt in silence...

this is my fate(part 2)

2009-09-05T05:45:00.000+08:00

time is o545hrs.im done with my "sahur" and prayers.counting down to the hours to "7 days".the day will be on monday.7th September.urrrggh! enough of that!.

anyway,i want to make this clear.erm...you said that i was the one avoiding you.but hey,im the one who feels that you are avoiding me.this is stupid! and you said that i dont message you anymore.normally who message first?.i know i should be the one who message first but i already explained to you why i didnt contact you right.and yesterday night you just went off and say "urrrghh! suke hati u laaa!". what is this?.suddenly you just got pissed off and then offline.thanks ah.dont tell me about this smallest issue you want to make a big deal out of it right."abeh online balik,bukannyer nak cakap ape-ape.samer jugak.senyap aje.punyer geram." so please dont go thinking that im the one whos avoiding you.why in the hell do i want to avoid you?.think! tsk tsk! nevermind ah.its my fault.im sorry okaaay."i yang salah.i yang tak message you semua lah.i minta maaf.i minta maaf TAU! tak tau die bace akunyer blog ke tak...alaaaaa..i minta maaf jugak pe!"

dahlah! i have to go camp already.alamak.im a lazy bum.bummer! borriiiiiiiiinnnnnngggg!

L.T:the reason is..............!

this is my fate(part 1)....

2009-09-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

Commander: "7 days" ameerul?.can?.its either before Hari Raya or on Hari Raya itself.this is how far i can help you...

Me: Yeah.

Commander: Are you sure?

Me: Yes sir.I am sure.

Commander: Look.Dont take this too hard.Dont think of this as a bad thing.It doesnt mean the end of the world.its just bad luck that you get caught by someone higher rank then me.if not i could help you.i dont want you to get into trouble about ridiculous things that are not that important.

Me: Yeah.I know.I deserve this.

Commander: Yes.But next time dont this anymore.I know its kinda careless.but try to avoid.

Me: Its just me.Im too careless.Too much to think about.

Commander: I understand.

Me: Thank you sir.

Commander: Your welcome.you got duty tomorrow right?.have a great evening,after your duty,go and have a great Sunday.go out with the people you want the most.than on Monday(7th September) will be the day.

Me: I want the most?

Commander: Yeah.with the people you want the most.

END OF SPEECH.

Bunkmate: What the fuck?! "7 days" ameerul??!!.just because of that.isnt that ridiculous?!.

Me: Yes.but what can i do?.people with higher rank.higher the rank,the higher their "balls".

Bunkmate: but i've done it before.we've done it before.not just you.we get caught.and we got extras.not "7 days"!!

Me: Like i said Higher Rank.I get caught by a higher rank.anyway i deserve this.im just careless.need to be more careful.and i give up on fighting for my right.

Bunkmate: not just that ameerul.its your first offence!.shouldnt you be charged with something "lighter"?.

Me: i thought of that before.but,once again higher rank.higher rank vs LCP ameerul.Lcp ameerul lose.

Bunkmate: but at least you should have voice out.you shouldnt just give up beb!.nowadays i see you all weak and you just looking down on yourself.whats up beb??!!

Me: My own problem,i can settle it by myself.

Bunkmate: Yeah right.let me see that in few months time.

Me: ..............!

Bunkmate: Look,"7 days".can you deal with it?.you are all alone?

Me: i've been in detail for 2 weeks.

Bunkmate: that is different asshole!.you are driving.you got friends around you.you move.but now "7days" not moving.one particular place.hows that for "7 days"?

Me: ..............!

Bunkmate: You know what ameerul?.WAKE UP! DONT BE A WHIMP! Its time for you to voice out.its time for you to be brave.dont be scared! dont be shy! you want me to call you a pussy? or a girl?

Me: ....................!

Bunkmate: "7 days" ameerul.and fasting season.think about your family and friends.

Me: ........!

END OF SPEECH

"7 days " is all it gets to ruin someones future plans.higher rank assholes!.what do they really want in life?.money,ranks,honour,.or is it money,girls,sex,cars?.i dont know.sometime i have no idea with this "big shots".why are they so "wayang"?.why are they so discipline?.isnt your rank enough to carry a general's balls?! anyway,like all senior soldiers,after they are done with service for the country,they will get nothing!.i've met alot of senior high rank soldiers who worked as security guard and taxi drivers.but where are all the jobs that you've been trained for years.jungle confident course,parachute jumping,marksman,where are they?.are they used if you worked as a driver? as a security guard?.nope!

anyway,"7 days".hahaha! might as well i just go with it right.i've been charged.its something oh so serious!.stupid NS.very particular with everything.i havent tell my mom about it.she will get sad if she knows it.my parents already plan on our weekends.but "7 days" gang!.oh ya! the "buke" outing! i couldnt make it because of this.right now people are thinking that im simply fucked up.they think that im not interested with the plan.they think im someone that couldnt be trusted anymore.i have to break a promise already.and i hate breaking promises.

L.T:so its my fault!??..

crying in silence.......

2009-09-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

"Ku tidak mampu bertahan lagi....ku sudah menyerahkan diriku kepada sesiapa yang ingin memusnahkan cinta ku...cinta yang ku tidak dapat genggam dengan sepenuh hatiku...biarku merayap di dunia ini tanpa arah tujuan...biarku seorang diri di dunia yang begitu kejam...separuh cinta ini akan ku simpan....yang lain kan ku sembunyikan di tempat jauh dari ku sendiri...ku telah menyerahkan diri...ku telah putus asa...sungguh kejam cinta ini...musnahkan harapanku...musnahkan cita-cita ku...musnahkan kehidupanku...tapi ku tetap menyimpan cinta di hatiku...biarku menangis bagaikan seorang bayi...biar air tangisanku banjiriku sendiri...hinggaku lemas..biar sahaja kata-kata orang yang ku ini seorang yang ber-emosi...seorang yang bodoh...seorang yang tidak matang...seorang yang tidak boleh kawal diri...kata-kata itu mungkin benar...sekarang mereka kenali siapa aku ini...sekarang mereka tahu berapa pentingnya cinta itu kepada ku...mungkin mereka sendiri belum matang lagi..mungkin mereka belum faham apa itu cinta sebenarnya...satu hari nanti mereka akan sedar bahawa cinta bukan sahaja untuk bergembira...tapi untuk sayang...gembira sekejap sahaja...tapi sayang untuk selama-lamanya...ku sedih dengan apa yang ku lalui ini...tidak pernah ku lalui cinta sebegini...sekarang ku sedar bagaimana cinta di dunia ini...begitu menyakit hati...cinta begitu murah di dunia ini...orang-orang melupakan cinta bagaikan membuang sampah...tetapi cinta ku bagaikan bintang yang ku tidak dapat membuang...melupakan...bagaikan bintang...ku cuma ada bintang sebagai cinta ku...sekarang ku akan berdiam diri...menangis sendiri..biarku sedih sendiri...menyakitkan hatiku sendiri...ku akan tempuh dugaan ini sendiri...cuma ku harap...ku tidak akan melupakan cinta ku ini!!...ku sentiasa menyayangi mu..."

L.T: I surrender... ):

suffering in silence......

2009-09-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

Seriously,im not feeling any better.this is the third day and my condition is still the same.im not going to extend my mc again.Hell No! uuurrrrgggghhhhh!! my face is paler than ever.my eyes are smaller(macam orang jepun).my eyebag is getting bigger.didnt know that fever can make you look so "handsome".HAHAHA!.my mom told me to book in into camp tonight then from there she wants me to go to the medical centre.no way! i've been there and the doctors or should i say, medical officers couldnt be trusted.its like if i were to report sick to them they will be like "hmm...your fever is not that serious.its just a normal fever.anyway,your temperature is not that high,so im just going to give painkiller and you can resume your normal duties".can you believe that?.as if im the one whos lying to him.as if im acting sick.what if i followed his orders,drive some vehicle as per normal and got into an accident.wow! that would be a good way to get back at that medical officer.but the thing is,im not getting better.i do take my medicines but its not working.oooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!! my initial plan is to book in tomorrow morning,after "sahur".my mom's plan is for me to book in tonight.so im in dilemma.BUT....both plans require me to dragged my weak legs,aching body,heavy head to camp.well i dont want my dad to send me to camp.im old enough to go back camp myself.haiz.......this thing is making me more dizzy.fuck ah.whatever is going to happen to me,let it be ah.what i know is i must be in camp by tomorrow.ENOUGH!!!

L.T:i said HOLD ON TIGHT!!!!!

rip myself apart....

2009-09-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

I can assure you that im not feeling any better now.its like getting worst.dizzy,feel like vomiting,sneezing like hell and i couldnt breath properly.went to the doctor again just now.extend my mc to 1 more day.lucky its free.haha! my bunkmates called me up and asked me whether am i alright.didnt know that they really care.right now im at my sister's room.shes sleeping.cute girl.and she switched on the air-con.now im shivering like hell.can feel it in my bones.whooooaaa!.seriously this is like the worst fever i ever had.i couldnt sleep.because i slept early after i took my medicines.time is 0120hrs.and my body is aching.my temperature is 37.6.better than last time.but i dont feel any better.i dont know what to do now.eat and take my medicine again?.naaah.i dont even have the mood to eat.everything i ate,taste bitter.i hope im feeling better by this morning.i just couldnt do anything much.just lie down and sleep.i feel useless beb.for now,i can only lie down,close my eyes and try to relax.ouh crap!.im having difficulty in breathing beb.urrrgggh!.relax.breath in in breath out.whoaaa! ok i think i shall stop here.just hope that i feel much better tomorrow morning.

L.T:just hold on there..
hold tightly..

i cant seem to let go...

2009-08-31T09:07:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night,i went over to the nearest clinic.the clinic is so cold.if only i had the remote control to the air-con,i would switch it off.hehe! well,the disappointing thing is,before i went to the clinic,my temperature was 37.8 and i felt really bad.urrrgggh! "hingus meleleh,dahlah batok-batok macam orang tua,memang dah tua pun,20 tahun!.cuaca sejuk pulak tu.menggigil,pakai sweater tebal-tebal pun tak cukup!.sejuk die boleh rasa sampai tulang ni!".anyway,i went in and i told the doctor everything,high fever etc lah!.he took my temperature again and he told me "hmmm..no so high.37.1 only".what the f***?!!.honestly,i felt so bad.i felt hot.i can even feel it in my eyes.the heatness.but its oklah.the important thing is the mc.HEHE!.the doctor advice me to have a rest and everything and he said "i give 1 day mc ah".WWWHHHAAAAAAAAAATT??!!.i was speechless.nevermind.went out.pay the bills and went back home.

after i've taken my medicine.went into my room and K.O!.that night i've got nightmares.haiz...nightmares that can happen anytime.nevermind.i woke up at 0230hrs.went to my sister's room,used her computer for awhile.and then back to sleep.at 0430hrs my mom woke me up for "sahur" but i couldnt.she touched my forehead and told me not to fast today.awwwww!!.come on.i can do it.but my mom still forced me not to fast.what to do?.have to listen to my mom.haiz..at about 0800 hrs i woke up and damn!,i was shivering like hell.i looked around,no fan,the air-con is off.force myself to get up.i can feel the coldness in my bones beb!.took a shower and got dress up.im wearing a sweater,inside a t-shirt,still im shivering.like as if the medicine is not working.right now my mom just made me hot horlicks.mmmm...nice."tak puasa lah,malu seh".and if im not getting better by tonight,i will extend my mc.i dont care.HAHA!

theres alot more things that i want to settle but im kinda weak right now.i just couldnt take it anymore.left hanging.but i dont want to make things complicated.i dont want to start the fire if you know what i mean?.if i were to just keep quiet,act as though nothing has happen,will it come to a good result?.or is it going to get worst?.by the looks of it,its getting worst.im pretty much hurt every single day.expecting something that i think wont happen.but my heart says "dont give up.be patience".its as if im just staring at the sky imagining things,but theres nothing there.this is affecting my work,MY LIFE.since i dont know when,i rarely went out with my friends.rarely,went out with my family.i rarely talk with my bunkmates.because im keeping it to myself.and its adding on to the sadness i have.if it were to become a "mountain" and it reached my limits,i will just broke down.im not asking for sympathy from anyone of you.this is just the first part of what i have in my heart,not in my mind.theres more but like i said,i dont want to start the fire.i dont want bad things to happen."sampai bila mampu ku bertahan?..."

L.T:all is left,is just a memory...

hear me out for this one time...

2009-08-30T18:00:00.000+08:00

Everyone, everyone will listen
Even if it hurts sometimes
If you will come and hear the message
Everyone wants to learn to love again
Open up and come alive if you will
Can you hear my message?
Leave your pain on the bedroom floor again
Bring a smile to survive
And do you think that you have that in you
If you're here and you're all alone tonight
Then I'll give you a free ride
Take a chance cause I know you want to

If only you'll hold on, just hold on
I'm here and I'm with you
I'm here too, I feel you
We'll get through
I know this I've seen it
A hundred times a thousand times
Just one more time
With you and I, I'll pull you close
And then we'll say goodbye

I've got a lotta oh hell of a lot to say
Even if it hurts sometimes
And if you will come and hear the message
And everyone everyone will hope and pray
That the best will sure survive
And if it's true then you'll feel the message
A perfect life for a perfect brand new day
And we're the next in line
And do you think that you have that in you
So if you're here and you're curious tonight
Then I'll give you a free ride
Take a chance cause I know you want to

If only you'll hold on, just hold on
I'm here and I'm with you
I'm here too I feel you
We'll get through
I know this, I've seen it
A hundred times, a thousand times
Just one more time
With you and I, I'll pull you close
And then we'll say goodbye

-all about love.

my fever is getting worst.37.8 degrees.do you think i need to go clinic? today is Sunday.clinic is closed.hospital?.no way.that is too far.nearest hospital is Tan Tock Seng.still consider far right?.im having flu,cough.haiz..what am i going to do?.by right i have to book in into camp by tonight.but im following "by left".im booking in tomorrow morning.and im sick.i cant report sick outside cause its sunday.no one is supposed to report sick outside.but im weak.nearly fell down just now.urrrgghh!.still considering....

okaaaay.my mom just told me that theres a clinic that is open till 2200hrs.so i guess i'll be going after break fast.im still fasting you know....STRONG

L.T:read between the lines.... :D